Universal's Halloween Horror Nights Is Getting A Visit From A Certain Shape

It's been 44 years since John Carpenter completely changed the landscape of slasher films with "Halloween." The film spawned seven sequels, a duo of remake films from Rob Zombie and now, the Blumhouse sequel trilogy is coming to a close later this year with "Halloween Ends." Michael Myers has been a part of the pop culture landscape for over four decades, and now, he's ready to terrify fans everywhere by transporting them into the realm of Haddonfield. As part of the Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Orlando Resort and Universal Studios Hollywood, a new maze will premiere this year that will give horror fans the chance to walk "the streets" of Haddonfield, while being stalked and pursued by the Shape himself, Michael Myers.

Halloween Horror Nights opens on September 2, 2022, in Orlando and September 8, 2022, in Hollywood and the maze will be available in both theme parks on specific nights until Halloween night, October 31. Full disclosure: this maze sounds like an absolute dream for horror fans everywhere, and I will absolutely not be attending. I have a condition where I overproduce adrenaline, which means I am a liability inside haunted houses or mazes. If Michael Myers was creeping up behind me, I'd either throw up on the ground or my fight/flight/freeze/fawn would kick in and I'd reflexively throw hands at the poor actor playing Michael Myers for the night. No one needs that. Please don't invite me. I don't need to be arrested for assault in the middle of a fictional Haddonfield.

Halloween Horror Nights released a teaser trailer to hype up the new maze, which further encourages my decision to not poop my pants and barf trying to make my way through Haddonfield as John Carpenter's score raises my blood pressure. Fright Fest at Six Flags Great America used to crank the "Halloween" score through the park's speakers, and that was enough for me. 

Friendly reminder, we don't really have a say in how our brains and bodies process fear, and there's no shame in knowing your limits. I can watch horror movies all day every day but put me in a haunted maze and I'm a disaster. The teaser video plays out like a scene in a slasher movie, but ends with footage of people getting the absolute bejesus scared out of them as Michael Myers appears out of nowhere as they try to make it through a house. COOL. HAVE FUN. I'LL BE AT HOME BINGING "HALLOWEEN" MOVIES AND NOT CRYING IN PUBLIC!