Bullet Train Director David Leitch Wanted Lady Gaga To Play One Of His Assassins

One of these days, I'd like to see directors literally fighting over actors. If two directors (of the same weight class, natch) are competing against each other for the services of the exact same star, then I say put them in a boxing ring and let them duke it out to see who emerges the victor. After all, this is the entertainment business, folks. Entertain us!

Unfortunately, we're stuck in a world ruled by concepts such as "messy insurance claims" and "common sense" (well, I suppose the latter remains up for debate), so this will never become a thing. Instead, we have to hear about all the what-ifs and near-misses of actors having to pick one project over another due to scheduling, forced to imagine what could have been if things turned out differently. Recently, we heard about "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness" star Elizabeth Olsen having to give up a coveted role in Yorgos Lanthimos' "The Lobster" due to her Marvel obligations. Today, we can add none other than Lady Gaga and "Bullet Train" director David Leitch to the list of hypothetical actor/director collaborations that might keep some of us (okay, maybe just me) awake at night.

Entertainment Weekly has the scoop on the fact that, despite prior reporting that Lady Gaga had joined "Bullet Train" — a movie best described as "'John Wick' on a train" — she ultimately had to drop out from a role as one of the assassins sent on a collision course with Brad Pitt's killer "Ladybug." According to Leitch, we can chalk up this disappointment to good ol' fashioned scheduling issues. The culprit? Ridley Scott!

"It really all came down to her schedule with the Ridley [Scott] film. There were short discussions and then, this isn't going to work because she was preparing for the Ridley movie '[House of] Gucci.' They shot right before us and overlapped with us and it really didn't work."

Alas, some things just aren't meant to be. Then again, maybe things work out for a reason.

As undeniably fun as it would've been to see Lady Gaga suit up as some murderous psychopath in "Bullet Train, I think we can all agree that watching her as a slightly different, Italian-accented murderous psychopath in "House of Gucci" wasn't a terrible tradeoff by any means. I mean, would anyone have wanted to lose out on that iconic "Father, Son, House of Gucci" line delivery? Reader, I would not! Leitch is mum about exactly which character she would've played in "Bullet Train" ("I'm going to leave that a mystery," he coyly remarks), but EW suggests that actor Sandra Bullock ultimately stepped in for that same role.

In any case, the real news here is that we were denied yet another eerily accurate prediction by "The Simpsons." Back in 2012, the season 23 episode "Lisa Goes Gaga" debuted and featured the singer/songwriter/actor extraordinaire helping poor Lisa out of a depressive funk. Hilariously enough, the episode begins with a glorious monstrosity called the Lady Gaga Express, the (fictional) Lady Gaga's personal train that looks just as absurd and over-the-top as you would hope. This isn't exactly the same premise as "Bullet Train," sure, but even Nostradamus had his off days, too.

Anyhow, I didn't expect to wake up today and end up including a video clip that ties together the upcoming "Bullet Train" (which had its release date pushed back to August 5, 2022) with Lady Gaga's guest role on "The Simpsons" 10 years ago. You're all welcome.