Denny's Is Promoting The Matrix So You Can See How Deep The Breakfast Menu Rabbit Hole Goes

Outside the Matrix, the only food is a protein gruel that the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar likened to "runny eggs" or, less flatteringly, "a bowl of snot." If you prefer your eggs fluffy and scrambled, then get ready to head back into the Matrix ... by way of Denny's.

That's right, America. On Cyber Monday, everyone's favorite 24-hour dining option, Denny's, started a new promotion tied to the upcoming Warner Bros. movie release, "The Matrix Resurrections." The promotion runs from now until January 4, 2022, and it will enable hungry cinephiles to jack into the Matrix through Denny's.com or the restaurant's app. There, you'll experience the proverbial glitches in the Matrix, not as déjà vu, but as discounts and free menu items.

From now until December 12, 2021, they're offering free delivery on digital orders. Since they do deliver, that means you could theoretically eat food from Denny's at home while watching "The Matrix Resurrections" on HBO Max (and crying). Who needs theater pubs or social interaction when you've got that?!

It doesn't look like McDonald's ever offered a "Matrix" Happy Meal, which is a shame. But allow me to riff on Denny's for a second ...

Denny's is famous for its Grand Slam breakfast, but over the years, it has offered some other creatively named "Slams," like the Slim Slam and the Mega French Toast Slam. Even now, some locations offer a thing called the Lumberjack Slam, which sounds like a backyard wrestling move. Neo (Keanu Reeves) could probably learn that move in seconds flat as he's having martial arts like kung fu and drunken boxing uploaded into his brain.

Apologies to any vegetarians reading this, but Denny's also used to offer a dish called the Meat-Lover's Bowl, which they billed as "the complete bowl breakfast." It was a meal fit for a semi-trucker: ham, bacon, and sausage, over a bed of hash browns, with even more bacon and sausage and pancakes on the side. By all rights, they should have called it the Pig-Lover's Banquet.

When I ordered my Meat-Lover's Bowl at Denny's, it was listed simply as, "Meat Bowl," on the receipt. The sweet simplicity of that phrasing, so dumbed down that even a gentle giant could understand it, appealed to the "Idiocracy" side of my brain. If I had somehow de-evolved to a more animalistic state like the crew of the Enterprise on that one episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation," the phrase "Meat Bowl" or "Mega French Toast Slam" would probably still elicit a grunt of recognition.

Maybe we're already halfway in the Matrix, as a culture. Remember what Cyber (Joe Pantoliano) said to Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving):

"I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After 9 years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss."

"The Matrix Resurrections" slams its way into theaters and bowls is way onto HBO Max on December 22, 2021.