The Most Brutal Kills In Halloween Kills Ranked

Let's get this out of the way: life is precious. Okay, now that I've covered myself morally, let's talk about murder! "Halloween Kills" is now in theaters and on Peacock, and it certainly lives up to its title. There are a lot of kills here, as Michael Myers cuts yet another bloody path through Haddonfield on Halloween night. In honor of the ultra-violent new sequel, we've decided to rank the most brutal kills in "Halloween Kills." Is that a little gross? Perhaps! But we're doing it anyway. 

With that in mind, it goes without saying that there are going to be MAJOR SPOILERS here. So if you haven't seen "Halloween Kills" just yet, you might want to stop reading right now. Everyone else, follow me! And put on a rain jacket and some galoshes, because there's blood everywhere. 

One unique thing "Halloween Kills" does is kind of make us sympathetic towards Michael Myers. Kind of. Sure, he's still a killing machine, and the fact that he seems to kill national treasure Judy Greer here is a big no-no. But "Halloween Kills" also goes out of its way to paint the residents of Haddonfield as a dumb, MAGA-ish mob out for blood. The mob even ends up causing an innocent man to leap to his death in fear. So it's particularly satisfying when Michael finally gets the drop on everyone. 

"Halloween Kills" first tries to recreate the wonderful "gotcha" moment from 2018's "Halloween" by once again having Judy Greer's character Karen pull a fast one over on Michael. It's not nearly as satisfying this time, though. Instead, a mob gathers around Michael and beats him down with various weapons. Michael eventually goes down and it looks like he's been defeated. But as we all know by now, you can't kill the boogeyman. And Michael is able to regain his super-strength, rise to his feet, and kill his attackers, including formal Haddonfield sheriff Leigh Brackett, and mob ringleader Tommy Doyle, who gets beaten to death with the baseball bat he's spent the entire film lugging around. 

This is a moment teased in most of the marketing of "Halloween Kills," and I'll be honest: I was expecting a little bit more. Still, this scene where Michael emerges from Laurie's flaming house and lays waste to a horde of firefighters is pretty damn great. Fully embracing the absurdity of it all, director David Gordon Green has the firefighters brandish various weapons, including a buzzing cutoff saw (I looked it up; that's the official name of the tool), as if they're all ready for a big battle royale. Of course, Michael makes mincemeat of them all rather quickly. However, the entire scene takes place in the dark of night with flames burning everywhere, and thus the action is shot in a messy, unclear way that robs the scene of a lot of its impact. Which means the person who was so upset about this entire idea that they launched a petition to have it removed can probably chill out now. 

After certain Haddonfielders learn that Michael Myers is back in town, mobs form and everyone goes off in different groups to hunt down and kill The Shape. "Evil dies tonight!" everyone yells, approximately 100 times. One such group includes returning characters from the 1978 "Halloween" Lindsey Wallace and Marion Chambers, and married couple Marcus and Vanessa, two characters we briefly glimpsed in the 2018 "Halloween." This gang of characters ends up at a playground where two kids are seen hanging out on the swingset. Lindsey gets out of the car alone, which seems like a really bad idea. She tells the kids to get lost, and they do after Michael emerges holding the mask of one of their friends (Easter egg alert: the three kids are wearing the three masks from "Halloween III: Season of the Witch"), implying Michael killed the missing kid off camera. 

Michael then proceeds to attack the adults. Lindsey runs away and actually survives. But the rest of the group isn't so lucky. After firing a bunch of bullets blindly, Marion, a nurse who worked with Dr. Loomis, thinks she's having a big heroic moment. She points her gun at Michael and says, "This is for Dr. Loomis!" But wouldn't ya know it – the gun is empty. Michael then proceeds to stab Marion to death. Marcus tries to stop him but gets stabbed in the eye for his trouble. Vanessa has a gun of her own, and she shoots it a bunch of times at Michael. Like Marion, she misses. Michael proceeds to kick the car door into Vanessa. This results in Vanessa stumbling and accidentally shooting herself in the face. Ouch. 

Two of the more memorable new characters in "Halloween Kills" are couple Big John and Little John, who moved into the now-infamous Myers house (although how infamous is it, really, when it seems like some Haddonfield residents have no idea of its significance?). Perhaps having too much faith in themselves, Big John and Little John decide to personally confront an intruder in their home. However, that intruder is Michael Myers, so this wasn't the best plan. Little John is killed off-camera, but before that, we see Big John's nasty demise. First, he's stabbed in the armpit, which looks really painful. Then, Michael proceeds to gouge Big John's eyes out, and this is presented in extremely graphic detail. You even see one of Big John's squished eyeballs fall out and roll down his face. It's nasty stuff. 

Big John and Little John aren't the only couple who run afoul of Michael. After he deals with the firefighters, Michael wanders over to the house of one of Laurie's neighbors (even though the previous movie makes it look like Laurie lives in the middle of nowhere, with no one else for miles). The neighbors, Sondra and Phil, are probably the smartest of Michael's potential victims – although that doesn't save them. When Phil first discovers Michael is in their house, he doesn't try to confront the Shape and act like a hero. Instead, he quickly shuts the door of the room Michael is in. Of course, that's not enough – Michael busts out and attacks Phil. He also attacks Sondra, breaking off a fluorescent light and jamming one of its ragged ends directly into Sondra's neck. This doesn't kill her, though. Instead, she slowly bleeds out and is helpless to do anything but watch as Michael proceeds to stick every single knife in the kitchen into Phil's back. It's mindless brutality and it packs a punch. 

This isn't the goriest kill in the film, so some may take issue with me making it number one. But while this particular scene – where Allyson's dumb boyfriend Cameron meets his maker – may lack copious amounts of plasma, I think it wins the title of the most brutal kill in the film. Poor Cameron managed to survive the first movie, so he probably thought he'd make it through this one, too. But he doesn't. First, his father Lonnie (always welcomed character actor Robert Longstreet) enters the Myers house and is killed by Michael off camera. Cameron and Allyson enter the house quickly after and split up, "Scooby-Doo" style. While Allyson is looking around downstairs, Cameron ends up upstairs – where he runs into Michael. Michael promptly overpowers the young man and eventually smashes his head through the upstairs banister. At the bottom of the steps, looking up, Allyson watches helplessly (her leg is injured so she can't really go running up the steps) as Michael proceeds to slam Cameron around in between the banister bars, yanking his body up and down as if he were a rag doll. Michael leaves Cameron barely clinging to life, his head still sticking out through the upstairs banister. Then, as Michael starts walking down the steps to confront Allyson, he takes a pause to completely twist Cameron's head around backward as if Cameron were in "The Exorcist." Farewell, Cameron.