I Made Fun Of The Boss Baby, And The Boss Baby Called Me Out

Yesterday I wrote a piece announcing to the world that the titular Boss Baby had joined Cameo, the service that allows you to pay celebrities, athletes, and internet personalities to provide customized messages for cash. Admittedly, the news of Boss Baby's ability to customize messages haunted me deep within my soul. I referred to the Boss Baby as "my own personal sleep paralysis demon," and signaled his appearance on Cameo as a sign that we are living in what is "truly is the worst timeline."

Well, friends. Boss Baby heard me talking smack, and he personally called me out. 

Don't worry, I'm a big girl. I can hold my own against a business suit-wearing infant. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that little Mr. Theodore Lindsey "Ted" Templeton Jr. had made some excellent points regarding my less-than-stoked announcement of his joining Cameo. Using cutting-edge technology, the animated tot is able to personalize videos upon request, and after what appeared in my inbox this morning, I can firmly put to rest the claims on Boss Baby's official Cameo that all of his messages are canned. 

Ted Templeton woke up today and served me a heaping helping of humble pie.

I have to admit that, despite knowing "Boss Baby" is, well, a baby, having someone in a suit open a message with "Hello, BJ" immediately transported me back to elementary school and getting in trouble with the principal. See his full message for me below:

Welp, Cameo told the Boss Baby that I've been feeling grumpy, but instead of reprimanding me for my mean words, he met me at my level confessing that his first word was "No," so he "knows a thing or two about negativity." He even acknowledges that, as an adorable as hell lil' baby, he has the luxury to get away with his grumpiness because people will always coddle him due to his cheeks. As a 31-year-old who would absolutely get law enforcement called on them if I threw a tantrum in public because my emotions became too big to handle, I really appreciate him admitting he has a privilege that I don't.

Boss Baby also recognized that the world today is tough, and promised not to placate me with requests to "turn my frown upside down." 

What does it say about me that this offered me some semblance of comfort? You're right, Boss Baby, there are plenty of things to be grumpy about. This has been a really hard week for a lot of reasons, and my therapist is going to have a lot to unpack with me when I tell her my breakthrough this week came in the form of a digitally animated child in a high chair.

Boss Baby ended on the note that he was going to lead by example and continue to be cheerful. My words may have stung, but if so, he wasn't going to lean into that or treat me badly in retaliation. No, the Boss Baby is going to let it roll off his back and keep moving forward. 

Was I a little bit too harsh in my descriptions of Boss Baby? Yeah, probably, but I can't go back in time and un-write those things. What I can do is apologize to the Boss Baby personally for letting my snarky demeanor and outside annoyances influence what should have been a joyous announcement for all of his fans, and thank him for seeing me as a whole person with a multitude of factors influencing my thoughts and emotions.

Boss Baby, I formally apologize for taking my frustration out on you. You didn't deserve to be the target of my vitriol, and I should know better than to pick on someone so much smaller than me. I sincerely appreciate your willingness to hold me accountable, Boss Baby, but also that you did so in a way that offers me the space to admit when I was being a grump. You're a pretty smart baby, and I guess now I finally understand why you're the boss.