The Bee Keeper Will Star Jason Statham, Presumably As A Bee Keeper, Maybe One Who Kicks Ass Or Something

Think ahead to the magical day when coronavirus cases have dropped enough for cinephiles to feel safe enough to go back to movie theaters every week. Picture walking through the halls of your multiplex on the way to your theater, looking over at one of the posters on the wall, and seeing the tagline: "Jason Statham IS...The Bee Keeper."

That scenario could actually happen. And no, Statham did not mistakenly agree to star in a movie meant for Kevin James. (That sequel to "The Zookeeper" isn't going to make itself, Kevin!) Statham has, in fact, signed on to star in a film called "The Bee Keeper" that's being produced and distributed by Miramax. Deadline reports that Miramax paid seven figures to acquire the script from Kurt Wimmer, the screenwriter behind films like the futuristic Christian Bale action film "Equilibrium," the deranged Jamie Foxx/Gerard Butler thriller "Law Abiding Citizen," and the remakes of "The Thomas Crown Affair," "Total Recall," and "Point Break."

Hilariously, the report describes "The Bee Keeper" as "a lightning-paced thriller deeply steeped in the mythology of Bee Keeping." That's it. No other plot details were provided, leaving the mind reeling as to what the hell that could possibly mean. Is Statham literally going to play Aristaeus, the ancient Greek god of bee keeping? One of the most prominent myths about Aristaeus involves him inadvertently causing a woman's death, her sisters punishing him by murdering all of his bees, and Aristaeus getting them back by making sacrifices to the dead woman, letting the sacrificial animals rot, and watching as bees sprung forth from their corpses. Cinematic!

Since the ancient Greek take on bee mythology seems unlikely to serve as the basis for this movie, maybe, in Wimmer's script, "Bee Keeping" could be a euphemism for something else — assassinating people, for example. Statham has a certain type of movie he's drawn to, after all, and it's extremely rare that he strays from what audiences expect from him. So maybe this is a "John Wick"-style thriller about contract killers who use historically accurate code words from the world of bee keeping, or an action flick about an MI6 agent tasked with protecting Beyoncé after she receives a death threat at a concert in London. (In the world of that version of the movie that I just made up, she earned her "Queen B" nickname because she's the world's foremost authority on the mythology of bees.)

Statham, Wimmer, and Miramax CEO Bill Block are all listed as producers, but no director is attached yet. According to Block:

"The Bee Keeper explores universal themes with an unconventional story that will have fans sitting on the edge of their seats. We're excited to bring another iconic and irresistible film to audiences around the globe."

Production is expected to begin in London and Atlanta in September 2022.