'Star Wars' Galactic Starcruiser Trailer: Yes, A Disney Theme Park Hotel Has A Trailer

Can I borrow five to six thousand dollars, no questions asked? If you must know, it's so I can help crowdfund an independent film that some scrappy practical effects wizard, perhaps a repentant George Lucas himself, is making in some garage somewhere.

What, you thought I wanted to blow all that money on a mandatory two-night stay in Star Wars Galactic Starcruiser? Dream on. Oh, I'll still be watching this trailer for the new Star Wars-themed hotel at Florida's Walt Disney World — as will you, my young padawans, thanks to the power of suggestion. "An old Jedi mind trick," let's call it.

No, seriously: check out the trailer for the immersive, outrageously priced hotel, which does appear to have a two-night requirement and which is scheduled for liftoff in 2022.

What's so funny about this hotel trailer is not just that teaser trailers for hotels are now a thing in the galaxy very, very near to us. It's that the first alien they show is making a toast with a blue exotic drink and he's wearing a white space tuxedo or some such getup. Frankly, it makes him look like he stepped right off the rich and swanky casino planet of Canto Bight. You know, the place that made Rose Tico say, "I wish I could put my fist through this whole lousy beautiful town."

The Hollywood Reporter notes:

There are no prices yet listed for the hotel's upgraded rooms, dubbed the Galaxy Chess Suite — which includes two windows, instead of one, looking out into "space" — and the Grand Captain Suite (three space windows!), but one assumes those prices are most impressive. There are other add-ons too such as Captain's Table seating rather than eating at communal tables in the "Crown of Corellia Dining Room."

Can you say exclusive? Can you say exorbitant?

Armed with the knowledge that the cheapest stay at Star Wars Galactic Starcruiser will run $4,809 for two guests (for two nights), some Star Wars fans (the ones who don't have mythical money trees growing in their backyards) may rightly confuse Disney World with Canto Bight after seeing this trailer.

My family lives in Central Florida and, once we're on the other side of this pandemic, I would very much like to fly there and visit Disney World with them again. They're Annual Passholders, but I have to wonder what they and Passholders like them must think of this Star Wars hotel and its somewhat cost-prohibitive M.O.

In a post exploring the hotel's price scheme ($5,999 minimum for a family of four), our own Josh Spiegel, who runs the theme park desk here at /Film, likened it to the scene in Jurassic Park where "a group of adults first debate the ethical ramifications of cloning dinosaurs in the modern age, until one of them – 'a blood-sucking lawyer' – salivates at the thought of charging people thousands of dollars."

It reminds me of that scene in Kevin Smith's Dogma where the two rogue angels, Bartleby and Loki (not that Loki, the one played by Matt Damon who spends the scene carving an onion), sit in the boardroom of greedy executives rejoicing over the profits they've made with their company mascot, Mooby the Golden Calf. I can see one of those executives tenting his fingers like Mr. Burns on The Simpsons (stream it on Disney+!). In my mind's-eye, he's saying:

"We'll start this hotel trailer out with 'Binary Sunset,' naturally. That will give them the feels. A little of the old John Williams goes a long way. Then, their souls and, most importantly, their greenbacks, will belong to us."

Star Wars Galactic Starcruiser looks to offer a resort-within-a-resort experience, like a cruise on land. Personally, I think I'd be more likely to stay at an existing Disney hotel like the Wilderness Lodge the next time we come to Florida. There are, however, undoubtedly some fans for whom Star Wars Galactic Starcruiser would be the greatest hotel experience of their lives. The appeal of this place, per The Hollywood Reporter, is that it offers an experience designed to be "part live immersive theater, part themed environment, part culinary extravaganza, part real-life role-playing game."

"Dad, we gotta go see the ship!" enthuses the young daughter in the trailer.

"No," the bearded father retorts. "We're gonna go save the galaxy."

Substitute "ship" for "resort" (as in, the rest of the Disney World resort) and substitute "save the galaxy" for "remain in-hotel," and it's easy to imagine Star Wars Galactic Starcruiser becoming a pressure-cooker for fistfights between fans who still want to debate The Last Jedi while wearing Jedi robes at Disney.

If you think that sounds like an unfair exaggeration, just know that I did witness a fistfight break out in front of the Festival of Fantasy parade at the Magic Kingdom in the summer of 2017. It happened right in front of the Hall of Presidents, go figure.

Fellow Star Wars fans, if you can afford it, then more power to you! Just don't go sacrificing your kids' college educations to play Jedi dress-up.