Television

And I Looked, And Behold A Pale Horse: And His Name That Sat Upon Him Was This 'Sexy Beasts' Clip

By Danielle Ryan

The end times are nigh. At least I kind of hope they are, because Netflix just released a clip from their upcoming Sexy Beasts dating show.

The series, based on a British dating show from 2014, puts its contestants in complex prosthetic makeup in an effort, I think, to make the blind dates about more than just appearances. The result is something that can only be described as a postmodern capitalist cosmic horror. You ever see a person in heavy devil makeup make out with someone dressed as a mandrill? You will, if you watch this show. You'll also see a panda ask a yak if he has health insurance, which feels like a bit from an episode of Rick and Morty more than it does something that actually happened in any reality.

You can view what an elimination looks like on Sexy Beasts below, if you're into staring straight into the abyss.

An Unreal Reality Series

There is something really unsettling about hearing a cute panda person say the word "hoes." What's more unsettling is knowing that this is only one of many, many clips that will feature people in terrifying makeup trying to get in one another's pants. Look, even the furries don't want this.

Let's say you can get past the fact that this looks like an absolute horror. There are still a lot of questions to be answered, like: Who could possibly want to make out while wearing smelly, uncomfortable prosthetics and makeup? Do they think grease paint tastes good? Why are they claiming that the prosthetics provide a way for people to "see past appearances" when their bodies are still on full, human, sexy display? Why in the world would you cover up a bunch of hot people in makeup and then have them date? Just...WHY?!

The clip above shows the elimination, which is pretty standard for a dating show outside of the whole horrifying prosthetics thing. One guy is a little too different personality-wise, one guy is a little too flirtatious, and one guy is a little too nerdy. It's like the whole Goldilocks thing, except this time she is a bear. A panda bear.

At this point, I imagine Sexy Beasts will get some viewers hooked based simply on the WTF-factor, but will that be enough to keep the Netflix show afloat? Only time will tell.

If you're a glutton for punishment like I am and just have to see how this thing plays out, you can catch Sexy Beasts when it premieres on Netflix on July 21.

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