Scarlett Johansson Made Her Acting Debut In A Bizarre Bruce Willis Flop

This post contains spoilers for Rob Reiner's "North."

Not every film can become a crowd-pleasing blockbuster or achieve cult status. Some movies are purely mediocre (adequate even), as they have nothing extraordinary to offer yet make for a pleasant viewing experience. Then there are those that belong to the so-bad-its-good category, where we are meant to revel in the absurdity of a film that is enjoyable despite being laughably terrible.

As we inch closer to the edge of this spectrum, however, we come upon films that are irredeemably awful, like Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer's infuriating, nonsensical "Disaster Movie" (a film IMDb has deemed the worst movie ever). But what about movies that failed, in every sense of the term, despite featuring a stacked cast of stars who've proven their talent time and again? Such is the case with Rob Reiner's "North," a pretty terrible film full of genuinely dynamic actors who did what they could to make sense of its abysmally silly premise (including a 9-year-old Scarlett Johansson in her acting debut).

Released in 1994, "North" was a box office bomb that only made a little over $7 million at the U.S. box office (and not much more internationally) against a $40 million budget. To add insult to injury, it was also critically panned to the point that it is now impossible to find reviews that sincerely praise any aspect of it, technical or otherwise. Critic Roger Ebert infamously wrote a scathing review that questions the film's very existence, and I quote:

"'North' is one of the most unpleasant, contrived, artificial, cloying experiences I've had at the movies. To call it manipulative would be inaccurate; it has an ambition to manipulate, but fails."

This two-liner alone speaks volumes about the film's artistic core (or lack thereof), as "North" is the definition of what the kids like to call "soulless slop," minus any entertainment value. So, without further ado, let's take a closer look at what "North" is about, what makes it so insufferable, and whether glimmers of authenticity can be gleaned from this deeply strange experience.

To set the record straight, "North" didn't have a dearth of talented folks among its cast and crew. Elijah Wood stars as the titular North, with Bruce Willis narrating this zany tale and playing multiple zany roles throughout the film. The rest of the cast also includes big names like Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jon Lovitz, Jason Alexander, and Kathy Bates. This was Wood's pre-Frodo Baggins era, of course, but he was fresh off "The Good Son" and "The Adventures of Huck Finn," two films that showcased his incredible skill and range as a then-budding actor. Willis, on the other hand, was already a bona fide action superstar post "Die Hard," making this one of many non-action titles that regrettably didn't work out for him.

"North" opens with its namesake feeling neglected by his ultra-rich parents (Alexander and Louis-Dreyfus), despite trying his best to be an obedient kid and all-rounder at school. Sitting sat and dejected in a mall shop one day, he complains about his parents to a man in a pink Easter Bunny suit (Willis), who urges him to talk to them. But North rejects this advice, deciding to instead search for new parents who are worthy in his eyes. For a brief moment, you might think that Willis is serving "Donnie Darko" realness here (albeit in a comedic setting). Unfortunately, this is immediately undercut by everything that happens after this.

On paper, this premise is as harmless as it gets: a child rejects his parents due to their neglectful behavior and travels the world to find new ones, only to realize that they do care in their own way. Even a satirical bent to this premise would have worked, but Reiner unfortunately leans into cringe, unfunny humor to power through these scenarios. Case in point: Willis is meant to evoke comfort for North while serving as his guardian angel during his adventures. Except, every time the actor pops up in a different form — be it the man in a bunny suit, a tourist, or a FedEx Driver — it adds nothing to these seemingly heartwarming scenes, which we are supposed to laugh along with. (We don't.)

Neither Wood nor Willis is at fault here, though. Rather, the elements that makes up "North," including its mean-spirited comedy and cloying sentimentality, feel unsalvageable at every turn. It also makes for an overall baffling directorial effort from Reiner, a filmmaker who, up to that point in his career, was largely known for making acclaimed works like the Oscar-nominated courtroom drama "A Few Good Men" and the genuinely brilliant Stephen King adaptation "Misery." I suspect "North" will always be remembered as an anomalous flop that defied every positive expectation attached to it.