The Musical Comedy Flop That Pitted Sylvester Stallone Against Dolly Parton

In Bob Clark's 1984 film "Rhinestone," Dolly Parton plays a country singer named Jake who is utterly miserable singing at a sleazy New York nightclub called the Rhinestone. In a fit of pique — perhaps after reading a copy of "Pygmalion" — Jake posits that she can grab any random schnook off the street and transform them into a celebrated country music star within two weeks. The club owner, Freddie (Ron Leibman) takes that bet, saying that if Jake is successful, she'll be released from her long-term contract. If she loses, however, she'll be stuck at the Rhinestone for another five years. 

Unfortunately for Jake, the random schnook she grabs is the mookish Italian cab driver Nick Martinelli, played by Sylvester Stallone. As anyone who has seen Stallone act could tell you, he is not known for his musical acumen, and even less for his association with country music. Within the context of the story, Nick is perfect for Jake's bet, as he is entirely mismatched for the country music world. 

For audiences out in the real world, however, the prospect of watching Stallone singing — badly — is death. Anyone who has actually seen "Rhinestone" can tell you that Stallone isn't musically gifted, and his songs are absurd and horrible. Look up a clip of "Drinkenstein" sometime to understand what people are talking about. The fact that Dolly Parton and the other singers in the scene are pretending like Stallone is doing a great job merely proves that they are all Oscar-level performers. Parton has a love scene with Stallone later in the film. My gorge rises at it. 

"Rhinestone" also had a troubled production, the stars hated each other, and it notoriously bombed. It made back only $21 million of its $28 million budget, was roundly panned, and went down in infamy as one of the worst films of the year.

"Rhinestone" was nominated for seven Razzies, "winning" Worst Original Song and Worst Actor. The film was covered by the bad movie-loving podcast "How Did This Get Made?," and you'll be hard-pressed to find fans. My personal favorite dig at "Rhinestone" came during the 1994 animated series "The Critic," wherein the host of a retrospective described Sly's career as: "We've seen Sylvester Stallone rise and fall. And rise and fall. Fall a little more. Then rise again. How could he survive 'Rhinestone!?' He's not human, I tell you!"

Even the people who made "Rhinestone" hate "Rhinestone." Phil Alden Robinson, writer of "Sneakers" and "Field of Dreams" (which made James Earl Jones cry), co-wrote the screenplay with Stallone, and he expressed some contempt for the process. In Matthew Alford's book "Reel Power: Hollywood Cinema and American Supremacy," Robinson said he has misgivings about the whole project but couldn't dutifully keep his mouth shut during the film's press tour. He said, in public, that the script was taken away from him and turned into something he hated. 

Perhaps bafflingly, Robinson's comments were greeted with warmth in the industry. Finally, it seems, someone was speaking out against Hollywood trash. Robinson said: 

"I would rather take the heat for saying what I believe and for telling the truth than to just let the industry know you can do this to me. And so I did a lot of press and got no heat. Stallone called my agent and was furious but that was it. People at studios, even at Fox, called to say we're glad you did that and it's about time somebody said these things. Writers, of course, were thrilled. I actually got calls from people who worked on the movie, from agents, and who were allied with Stallone, saying, we're glad you did that, we can't say this to Sly, but you're right." 

When was the last time you heard an actor or screenwriter express any trepidation at all during a press interview?

Dolly Parton and Sylvester Stallone understand that "Rhinestone" was a bomb, and they notoriously snapped at each other a lot on set, but both of them have come out recently to say that there are no hard feelings. 

Parton's biggest snit with Stallone was over an incident wherein she wanted to help a homeless man she encountered while shooting, and Stallone was dismissive of her compassion. She described the argument in her autobiography, "Dolly: My Life and Other Unfinished Business." "Rhinestone" was shooting in New York, on a very cold night, when Dolly saw a man sleeping on the street. Being a gentle, angelic human being, Dolly draped a shawl over the man to keep him warm. Evidently, Stallone yanked the shawl off the man and yelled about how his homelessness was his own doing. Dolly wrote:

"Well, you could have knocked me over with an angel feather. [...] I couldn't believe what a man I considered a friend was saying. I grabbed the shawl back from him and wrapped it back around the man. Then I stood up right in Sly's face and said, 'Hey, look! That could have been you, you ungrateful son of a b****! Except by the grace of God. Who knows? It could be an angel sent to show you what an ass you really are. At least he's one of God's creatures, and that's good enough for me.'"

One can assume that Stallone felt the appropriate level of remorse after that; no one wants to be taken down by Dolly. Apart from that incident, though, Dolly said that Stallone was actually a very warm and helpful co-worker. Indeed, he eventually proved to be a good friend. "Sylvester Stallone made me laugh at a time when I really needed it," she wrote. 

Stallone, likewise, enjoyed working on "Rhinestone," despite its notoriety. He was interviewed by Ain't It Cool News back in 2006, and he had nothing but kind words for Parton. It seems that both he and Parton were in a low point in their lives, and their "Rhinestone" friendship lifted them up. Stallone was effusive, saying: 

"I remember in the early '80s when I was sitting in a hotel room feeling sorry for myself. Actors do that a lot. It's actually considered a sport in Hollywood, self-loathing. Anyway, Dolly called and we began a conversation that lasted at least two hours. And by the time I hung up, I thought she was the most amazing person I'd ever spoken to. She knew something about everything. She's the kind of woman that 100 years ago would've been strong enough to cross the country in a wagon train, [...] give birth without any help,  and then find time to string a guitar and sing around the campfire."

Stallone also said that "Rhinestone" fell apart because it became too silly and whimsical during production. He said that Mike Nichols was initially supposed to direct, and that Bob Clark (who directed both "Black Christmas" and "A Christmas Story" for two very different holiday offerings), while a fine director, didn't bring what Stallone wanted. 

Stallone hasn't commented on the incident involving the homeless man, so one might assume he was appropriately cowed. The fact that Parton has remained friends with Stallone is a sign that he became a hair more decent in that moment. 

Dolly and Sly may have loved working on "Rhinestone," but that didn't save the movie. Its reputation remains, and its failure is still notorious. It's currently available to stream on Prime Video.