Chick-Fil-A Is Launching A Streaming Platform And No, This Is Not A Joke, Sorry

Hey, quick question ... what the cluck is happening?

Just as multiple streaming platforms have begun offering subscription bundle plans and the Streaming Wars seem to finally be over — a wildly unexpected force has entered late in the game with hopes of shaking things up, funded not by Big Tech, but by Big Fundamentalist Pickle-Brined Fried Chicken. I swear on my life this is not a headline from The Onion come to life, but as first reported by Deadline, Chick-fil-A is launching its own streaming service. I'm already offering my deepest condolences to the first creative who earns the inevitable call from their reps saying, "Chick-fil-A passed" when their project is rejected.

I, and I cannot stress this enough, absolutely despise this announcement, but I will hate it a little bit less if they're at least willing to commit to the bit and call it "Flick-fil-A." Chick-fil-A's streaming platform is allegedly working with major production companies and even Hollywood studios with a focus on family-friendly entertainment and an emphasis on non-scripted programming. Deadline reports that they're also looking to license and acquire movies and TV shows, so they won't be an "exclusives-only" platform.

There's been no definition of what "family-friendly" means in this context, but given the fast-food chicken place's history of donating to faith-based, anti-LGBTQIA+ hate groups (that only stopped *checks notes* last month), it's safe to assume that "family-friendly" means "conservative." Are we witnessing the second coming of PureFlix? Or are they just building an Eden for movies like "God's Not Dead 2" to live? Regardless, Chick-fil-A has actually been in the entertainment biz for a while, this is just taking it to the next step.

Again, I'm not kidding and I sure wish that I was.

Deadline's sources report that a family-friendly gameshow from Glassman Media ("The Wall," "Match Made in Heaven," "Ultimate Cowboy Showdown") and Sugar23 ("Dickinson," "True Detective,' "The Knick") has already been given a 10-episode order. Again, there's no word on what "family-friendly" means in this context. Maybe this is going to be like one of those family competition shows like "Double Dare," or maybe it'll be like "Family Feud" without prompts that make Steve Harvey lose it when contestants have filthy minds.

The head of programming seems to be Brian Gibson, who worked as an executive producer on shows like "Top Gear USA," "Wayne Brady's Comedy IQ," and produced the narrative mini-series, "The Kennedys." Ironically, he also served as a story editor on "Boy Meets Boy," an early aughts reality dating show where a gay man was looking for love among a pool of eligible bachelors, some of whom were straight. This is undoubtedly Gibson's biggest role yet, with talks of scripted projects and animation on the horizon. Last month the chicken joint released "Rocky Road," a short animated film about a cow who gets trapped in a food truck, so it's likely this will be their first animated series.

And because we continue to live in the most unserious timeline, there's also not been word on whether or not the streaming app, like Chick-fil-A itself, will be shut down on Sundays.