The Animatronics In Five Nights At Freddy's, Ranked By Creepiness

The "Five Nights At Freddy's" game franchise and its feature film adaptation share the same basic premise: would you, either as a game player or in the audience proxy guise of Mike Schmidt (Josh Hutcherson) in the film, take a night job as a security guard in an abandoned '80-style kids entertainment establishment, a la Chuck E Cheese or ShowBiz Pizza? Furthermore, the premise assumes that the "Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria" restaurant was a successful venture in its heyday, with its original animatronic characters putting on a faux-concert of the latest '80s pop hits while "interacting" in real-time with the guests.

All of that lore nearly completely flies out the window when one actually sees what Freddy, Chica, and their other robot friends actually look like: these things are creepy looking from the jump! And that's before they become possessed by the spirits (not to mention the decomposing bodies) of murdered children, causing them to come alive at will and attack anyone who is a threat (or, worse, decide they love someone enough to try and make them an undead robot, like they are). I say "nearly completely" because, let's face it, the characters of Chuck E Cheese and ShowBiz weren't exactly that cuddly, either, and yet they were (and are) actually popular with kids instead of sending them screaming away in fear.

Despite or perhaps because of that fact, director Emma Tammi, Jim Henson's Creature Shop, and lead designer Robert Bennett had to work extra hard to make the film's characters the stuff of nightmares, and their efforts do not go unnoticed. Here, then, are the "Five Nights at Freddy's" animatronics, ranked by order of how much they make you ask yourself, "Is this where you want to be?"

You would think that the flagship character, the one the entire franchise (both in-world and in the real world) is named after, would be the most intimidating, the creepiest, the monolith that all must cower in fear from.

But no! Freddy Fazbear himself is a big ol' teddy bear, albeit far colder and less cuddly and furry than that term would imply. Sure, he'd be pretty imposing close-up, and he does look like he could crush you with a flick of his wrist or (more likely) a big bear hug. Yet that's not dissimilar to, y'know, actual bears, and those fellas are cute as a button. To add to his cuteness, Freddy even sports an adorable 'lil hat!

Instead of Freddy being any sort of competition in creepiness when it comes to that other famous Freddy in horror history, this Freddy is perhaps the honey trap (see what I did there?) which unsuspecting customers, kids, security guards and audience members fall into. "If he's this cute, the others can't be all that disturbing looking," you might say. And, of course, you'd be woefully wrong.

When it comes to supposedly cute animals who have a natural ability to turn creepy with relative ease, look no further than the rabbit. After all, the rabbits in "Watership Down" and Frank in "Donnie Darko" don't have to do too much to make their visages haunt your dreams, and neither does Bonnie.

Frankly, Bonnie would rank higher on this list if there weren't a far more disturbing variant of him present in the film (more on that guy later). As such, original recipe Bonnie is the less unsettling of the two, with a few key elements that offset his creepy dead eyes and weirdly shaped teeth. For one, he has a snazzy bow tie, and for another, he sports a big "flying V" electric guitar. Everyone knows guitarists like to show off, so there's a chance that if Bonnie cornered you in a dark hallway, you might escape by asking to see him perform some sweet licks. (Just, ah, don't try playing his guitar yourself, as you might be "shocked" to discover that it's badly in need of repair.)

Where Freddy and Bonnie look uncannily eerie but possibly friendly, Foxy is the first of the Fazbear entertainers who immediately seems dangerous. First off, he's wearing an eyepatch (the universal sign of a "don't mess with me" badass). Secondly, he's got a giant hook for a right hand. And thirdly, he sports a huge set of choppers nestled inside a mouth that looks big enough to pull the head off of Shaquille O'Neal in one bite.

That said, his accoutrements are there for a reason: he's a pirate! And while pirates can be spooky (hello, Hector Barbossa), they can also be endearing, especially if you dangle some treasure in their face or give them some rum. Although Foxy certainly seems spooky if you get on his bad side, he also seems like he could be a cool pal if you play your cards right. When you're up against teeth and a hook like that, it's worth a shot to try and make friends!

Chica is the prominent female member of the Fazbear gang, and if you think that means you'll be dealing with a more vulnerable, friendlier robot, then think again. She has an imposingly mean-looking visage, something we can perhaps call "Resting Demon Face": big bug eyes, a beak full of teeth, bushy eyebrows, and a disturbingly round head, almost shaped like an apple (weirdly, her companion is also apple-shaped; more on him in a moment).

By far, the most upsetting detail of Chica's appearance is her bib. Look, no one has ever or will ever look good in a bib, and there's something about an adult figure in a bib that feels unnatural somehow. As if that weren't enough, Chica's bib reads "LET'S EAT!!!," which sounds less like a celebration of appetite and more like a pointed threat. With all of that put together, Chica seems like everything she looks at could be her potential next meal, so it's best to just not be in her line of sight, ever.

Adding to Chica's creepiness is that she's not just a solo act, but part of a duo. Her compatriot in creepiness is Mr. Cupcake, and to be fair, he's not necessarily creepy to begin with. He's, well, a cupcake, and even when his two large eyes are opened, it's not altogether too disturbing to see a cupcake with eyes. Heck, it's positively cartoonish, and who hasn't wanted to take a big bite of a cartoon cupcake before?

But that's where Mr. Cupcake's evil scheme comes into play. No one will be eating him, you see; it'll be the other way round. As a key scene in the film demonstrates, Mr. Cupcake attacks in a manner highly similar to that of the Facehugger from "Alien," going for a person's face in a way that seems invasive on several levels. Then there's the matter of mobility; while it's pretty easy to understand how Freddy, Chica, and the rest get around, Mr. Cupcake has the ability to leap great distances through the air. In other words, where it feels possible to run away from most of the Fazbear entertainers on sight, if you spot Mr. Cupcake, it may already be too late for you.

While all of the Fazbear entertainer robots are in a state of disrepair, their wear and tear is relatively minor. Things get much creepier when the robots look kinda destroyed but keep on truckin', something the T-800 knows a little something about.

Following in The Terminator's footsteps is Golden Freddy, a variant of Fazbear who has clearly seen better days. He's huge, he's a sickly jaundiced color (as opposed to what one assumes was once a bright gold), he's got springs and wires sticking out of all kinds of places, and he's missing an eye, leaving one big, bright blue orb coldly staring at you.

What makes him even more disturbing, however, is that he's seemingly used as the Fazbear gang's scout, able to leave the confines of the restaurant and venture to other nearby places, such as picking up Abby (Piper Rubio) from her house. He's super mobile, eerily silent and he knows how to take taxis — forget a landshark, this is one bear you don't want making house calls.

Remember how I said that regular Bonnie was the sweeter-looking of the two? Well, here's Bonnie's evil twin in every sense of the word. In a way, Spring Bonnie acts as every creepy Fazbear robot rolled into one: he's got the imposing stature of Bonnie and Freddy, the dull yellow color scheme of Chica and Golden Freddy, the dangerous visage of Foxy, and the jack-in-the-box-like surprises of Mr. Cupcake.

To that last point, Spring Bonnie isn't like the other robots, made up of a dead kid and their ghost. Instead, there's someone very much alive in Spring Bonnie, the mastermind who controls the actions of all the other Fazbear robots as well as being a child killer themselves. As horrible as the person inside Spring Bonnie is, a fate worse than death awaits the wearer, for the faulty springs inside the suit eventually trap the person inside the outfit, forcing them to become like the others in a haphazard, premature and presumably painful way. Imagine, if you will, a trap set by Jigsaw in the "Saw" films that doesn't kill you but that you couldn't escape from — actually, don't imagine it, as it gets creepier the more you think about it.

How creepy is the Circus Baby? Consider this: in the film, we only see her as a dormant animatronic, a shell awaiting its host (which is intended to be Abby). That's right, Circus Baby is the only animatronic in the film who never comes to life, never attacks anyone, never makes a peep, and she's still the scariest damn thing in the movie.

Despite the fact her face also resembles the Ella animatronic from the "FNaF" books, the rest of her screams Circus Baby. For one thing, she's a clown, and we all know clowns are the most uncanny, supposedly kid-friendly figure that is inherently creepy. A robot clown? Fuggedaboutit. For another, her design is unabashedly dangerous: as Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail) shows Mike in the film, she's got a lot of sharp moving parts inside of her, making it deadly to even touch her let alone get inside her suit.

While "Five Nights at Freddy's" is a gateway horror film, appropriately rated PG-13 to reach a wide audience, I fear that if a fully operational Circus Baby shows up in a sequel, that movie will have to be automatically rated R. Heck, it might even be banned. I can't wait to see it.

"Five Nights at Freddy's" is in theaters and streaming on Peacock now.