Mark Hamill And Bert Kreischer Are Topping Netflix Charts With A (Somewhat) True Story

When Mark Hamill set off to start filming "The Machine," he announced it in a video on Twitter, in which he claimed that he "might already regret this." Well, the movie arrived in 2023, and unfortunately, the box office and critical response pretty much proved Hamill right to be hesitant, even if he was only joking. 

"The Machine" made a global total of $10.6 million on a budget of $20 million. Even worse were the reviews, with Rotten Tomatoes summarizing the film as "a sloppily lifeless movie," and "broken beyond repair." Poor old "Big fat Bert," as his "2 Bears 1 Cave" co-host Tom Segura lovingly calls him. He's just trying to spread some joy.

Rolling Stone referred to Kreischer as the "top partyer at the Number One Party School in the country" in their 1997 profile, and you might be surprised to hear that he originally had his life adapted to the big screen in 2002, with Ryan Reynolds playing a heightened, college-age version of notorious party animal in "National Lampoon's Van Wilder." Since then, Kreischer has found fame as a stand-up comedian, podcast host, and TV personality. But in the years between, he also managed to befriend the Russian mafia on a trip to Europe, a story which he famously turned into a popular stand-up routine.

Naturally, Hollywood decided the viral popularity of this particular story indicated that it was prime material for a whole movie. In May of 2023, we finally got "The Machine," starring Kreischer as himself in what was basically a fictionalized sequel to the true original events of the story. Set 23 years after the actual Europe trip, "The Machine" sees Kreischer reunite with his estranged father, Albert (Mark Hamill). However, following its anticlimactic theatrical run, the movie has hit Netflix, and it seems to be doing a lot better there than it did on the big screen.

Look, it doesn't matter that New York Times' Glenn Kenny said that Bert Kreischer is "not a performer who can carry a movie." It's not a big deal that IndieWire's Christian Zilko said that anyone looking for any kind of literary substance from "The Machine" would "be better off just reading the nutrition facts on their Junior Mints box." What matters is that the film has finally arrived on streaming, it's proving quite popular. That's how we measure success nowadays, right?!

At the time of writing, "The Machine" is the number one film on Netflix in the US, and according to FlixPatrol, it debuted in the top spot when it hit the streamer on September 24, 2023. As of now, there's no international data, probably because there are multiple streaming licenses in place for foreign markets. But Stateside, "The Machine" is finally getting some recognition in what is yet another reminder that audiences aren't really venturing out to the theater for anything more than a Barbenheimer-level event these days.

Even Tom Segura congratulated his friend, "plus sized actor" Bert Kreischer, on hitting the top spot on Netflix. It's certainly impressive to see the film hit number one the day it dropped, with some other movies having to steadily work their way up the charts in order to claim the top prize. That said, Netflix viewing metrics don't seem to mean much these days so who even knows what number one means any more. For now, Mark Hamill can say he wasn't entirely right to regret co-starring in the movie before it even started filming.