Succession Season 4 Power Ranking: The Roy Kids Finally Win In The Season Premiere ... Or Do They?

(The bid for power has not only intensified in season 4 of "Succession," but is approaching its end. Now more than ever, anyone can come out on top. Who is wielding power or being blinded by it? Who never stood a chance in the first place? As the series comes to a close, we'll be tracking the rise and fall of the Roys, their allies, and their never-ending list of enemies.)

Five years ago, "Succession" began with Logan Roy's (Brian Cox) birthday party. It was a thrilling affair: baseball was played, dreams were crushed, and Logan endured his very first health scare. In other words, it was harrowing! But somehow, the birthday celebration glimpsed in the season 4 premiere is even bleaker. This time around, the family is divided: Kendall (Jeremy Strong), Shiv (Sarah Snook), and Roman (Kieran Culkin) don't even bother to attend their father's big day because they're too busy making their own pile, far, far away from Waystar Royco.

Last we saw the Roy kids, that kind of distance seemed unthinkable. They were suffering in the wake of their failed coup attempt: Shiv reeling from Tom's betrayal, Roman heartbroken by his dad's (and Gerri's) rejection, and Kendall still fending off his demons after fessing up to murder. So when we find them still united months after that failure, it's actually pretty heartening. They've even got a new media venture in the works. Might this be the path to a healthy future free from their abusive parent? Of course not! Because when the opportunity arises to steal a win out from under their dad, they seize it.

With the GoJo deal 48 hours away from closing, Logan starts planning for a future where he only has ATN —the Waystar news network that he hopes to bulk up by acquiring his white whale, the Pierce family's multi-billion dollar conglomerate, PGN. Just one problem: once the kids catch wind of this, they pounce. And for once, they actually succeed. Does that mean they've finally come out on top? Here's where everyone stands at the end of the final season's premiere.

RIP The Hundred, we barely knew ye. For approximately twenty minutes of our lives and three months of theirs, the Next Gen Roys had big plans to finally escape living in their dad's shadow. Don't get me wrong — The Hundred sounds ridiculous. "Substrack meets MasterClass meets The Economist meets The New Yorker" sounds like a very desperate bid for relevance. The lifespan of this project was bound to be brief and probably result in bankruptcy. Come on: "High visibility, execution dependent, disruptor news brand?" How many buzzwords can Roman fit into a single pitch?!

All that aside I liked the idea of them building something from scratch and doing it together ... even though the logo sucked. But nothing can entice these kids away from messing with their dad. Sorry to all those people who spent 3 months designing logos, gathering funding, and dedicating time to this short-lived venture, because the Roys didn't bat an eyelash. They flushed all that work down the drain without a second thought.

Is Bridget (Francesca Root-Dodson) an undercover corporate asset or just a girl from the apps? The world may never know. Whoever she is, she will go down in history as Greg's biggest faux-pas because not only does he make the mistake of letting her oversized purse through the door, ("What's even in there?" Tom wonders. "Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail?") but he also has the gall to let things get NSFW in Logan's apartment. For her crimes, Bridget is kicked out of the party after Colin goes through her phone. 

The worst part is that we don't even get to witness her asking Logan for a selfie. Can you imagine the disgust on his face? Not to mention all the obscenities that he would spit in her direction! Alas, we'll probably never get to see Bridget and her "ludicrously capacious bag" ever again because according to Greg — who is absolutely vile in this episode — she's just "another tick on the chart."

All things considered, Bridget got off pretty easily. Being abandoned by her date, verbally assaulted by Logan, and ushered out by Colin is rough, but it could've been worse. At least she's not trapped in their orbit forever. Who wants to be around this awful family anyway? It's best to show up to one party, inhale some canapés, ask lots of personal questions, and escape as quickly as possible.

Speaking of misery, the discomfort that Bridget briefly suffers is nothing compared to the lives of Karl (David Rasche), Frank (Peter Friedman), Colin (Scott Nicholson), Karolina (Dagmara Dominczyk), and Gerri (J. Smith Cameron). Their relationship with the Waystar is verging on Stockholm Syndrome. By this point, they've likely accrued enough riches to retire or at least seek out a less stressful job — but that doesn't stop them from showing up to work every day, even if it means being trapped in a room with a verbally abusive Logan Roy who is one step away from yelling "Dance, monkeys, dance!"

Longtime henchmen Karl and Frank looked ready to s*** their pants when asked to brainstorm a joke. Gerri at least has the power to brush the request off ("All a bit horrible for me, thanks Logan") but even Waystar's acting CEO looks ready to jump ship. Without his kids around, Logan has nobody else to lash out at which means it's only a matter of time before Round 2 of Boar on the Floor.

Sometimes I genuinely think that Connor (Alan Ruck) and Willa (Justine Lupe) are the happiest people in this show. Once you look past the transactional origin of their relationship, the reluctance with which Willa accepted his proposal, and the fact that Connor has blown a sizable chunk of his fortune on a failed presidential election, their situation is actually pretty sweet.

As always, this couple exists almost entirely outside of all the corporate maneuvering. Just as no one invited Connor to participate in the coup, he is completely left out of the Pierce bidding war because why the hell would they need his input anyway? It's probably for the best because Connor has plenty of other problems to worry about: he's got a wedding to plan, and more importantly, his 1% of the presidential vote is about to be squeezed down to mere decimals. Obviously, the only way to salvage his reputation is to crush Willa's dreams of a nice wedding and plan something so explosive that the press will have to pay attention. Think jetpacks, bumfights, and rappers, according to Connor.

Again, this isn't exactly a picture-perfect relationship, but when not blinded by his ego, Connor genuinely seems to love her. Willa isn't exactly head over heels for the man she's agreed to marry, but she's certainly grown fond of him. Together, they're rich, they're comfortable and they have someone always standing by their side. That's a lot more than most people on "Succession" have.

... But then again, not being the most miserable is still not the same as being happy.

Mondale, the Goodest Boy in "Succession," is now a child of divorce. But on the bright side, it seems like Tom (Matthew Macfadyen) might win the custody battle! Given the fact that he's already forgotten her scent, it's pretty unlikely that Shiv was gonna offer the poor pupper much affection, so at least this way he can rely on Tom's lonely soul seeking out cuddles and long walks through the rainy streets of Manhattan. Mondale may have to endure a move to an extremely sad divorced dad apartment but that's just the harsh reality of being a COD. And hey, maybe his desperate desire for companionship will prompt Tom to free Mondale from his cage! 

The emotional turmoil of this divorce might be tough to swallow, but since Mondale is also a nepo baby, I have no doubt that he'll manage to pull through.

Tom is moving up in the world. He's the head of ATN and held in high enough esteem that he's the one sent to court Naomi Pierce. But he's also utterly miserable about his impending divorce. Though their marriage was obviously painful for him, Tom is devastated to see it crumble. Worst of all, he never even gets a chance to say his piece because Shiv shuts him down and closes the door on their future. As for his status with the company, Logan offers 0 assurances. Tom is at the mercy of the Roy family — Shiv calling the shots in what remains of their marriage, and Logan only keeping him around until he tires of his latest punching bag. As usual, the only thing Tom has going for himself is Greg (Nicholas Braun), who is insanely easy to make fun of.

Speaking of Greg, was he always this repulsive? Sadly, the answer is no — but by virtue of having Roy blood and being welcomed into the fold, his descent into corporate hell was inevitable. Our favorite bumbling cousin has officially sold his soul and for what? He isn't even allowed a plus one at his uncle's birthday party, but that doesn't stop him from oozing entitlement and trying to pass himself off as an honorary kid. "I am a cousin," he tells Kerry, while she barely holds in a laugh. He's got a point though — that familial status is the reason he's lasted this long. Who else could get away with roasting Logan minutes after defiling his guest bedroom?

The Disgusting Brothers aren't doing great, but they're scraping by ... at least until Logan pushes them off his corporate ladder.

As Logan's friend, assistant, advisor, and not-so-secret mistress, Kerry (Zoe Winters) enjoys certain perks: like dunking on Greg and being one of Logan's' closest confidants. But she also has to endure the wit and verbal abuse of his pissed-off children. Even a brief phone call with Roman Roy gives her pause: for about a millisecond, Kerry regrets all the life choices that brought her to this point. But in the end, she powers through. 

Like so many others on this list, Kerry's success is contingent on Logan's. So long as everything works out for him and she sticks by his side, she stays powerful. But it also depends on how long he stays interested in her.

"Nothing tastes like it used to, does it? Nothing's the same as it was."

Logan Roy should be on top of the world in the series premiere. Last season marked a huge victory for him: with another metaphorical slap in the face to his children, he once again proved himself to be an absolute beast by cutting them out, securing a multi-billion dollar deal, and sealing a presidential election. Everything should be coming up Logan, but instead, he spends his birthday party thinking about business while surrounded by lackeys who are afraid of him. Only one of his children bothers to attend and it's the most embarrassing of the bunch.

The party is so bleak that Logan abandons his apartment full of people to stroll through the park with his bodyguard. When they grab a bite to eat, Logan dubs bodyguard Colin his "best pal" and then proceeds to contemplate the emptiness of life and the inevitability of death. Is this what winning looks like?! I guess not because, in the end, Logan loses. His approach of soft-balling the Pierce family is so insulting that they eventually sell to the Next Gen Roys, who offer a conversation-ending $10 billion. Once again PGN eludes him — but it's much worse because his kids get the joy of cackling at his loss.

Logan still has Mattson's deal to look forward to and will be funneling all of his energy into being more hands-on at ATN, but that doesn't change the sadness hanging over the guy. Three of his kids didn't call to wish him a happy birthday and at the end of the day, he's a curmudgeon alone on his couch, ranting about the news.

It's a great day to be Nan Pierce (Cherry Jones)! After persevering through the (fake) pain of a (fake) migraine, Nan is rewarded for her (fake) troubles with the grand prize of $10 billion from the Roy siblings. Not only does she accomplish her goal of selling PGN, but gets the added bonus of snubbing Logan and pissing him off. Now she gets to sit back, sip her vinegary wine and watch this dysfunctional family implode in on itself.

Granted, there is a huge asterisk over all of this success. How are the Roys funding their little pet project, according to the Waystar execs? Once the GoJo deal goes through, they'll be able to liquidate their shares for cash. If the GoJo deal goes through. I know what you're thinking: it's 48 hours away from closing, what could go wrong?! But this is "Succession" we're talking about. If there's enough time for something to go wrong, then it will absolutely go wrong. Just like that, the Pierce purchase could fall apart but for now, Nan has nothing to fear. It's not like sidling up to the Roys had ever gone badly in the past, right?

Is this what winning looks like? 

Finally, Kendall, Shiv, and Roman have done the unthinkable: they beat Logan at his own game. They steal Pierce right out from under him and although it means abandoning The Hundred and dropping a cool $10 billion, a win is a win. But this is merely one battle and by buying a rival news network, they've kickstarted a war. Do they actually have what it takes to beat Logan in the long run? Well, let's take a look at this sweet little team-up.

Kendall, the "Fearless Fighter Fighting the Good Fight" is back up to his old tricks: trying really hard to beat his dad, a gambit that is historically terrible for his mental health and always ends in a loss.

Shiv, the "Yummy Dummy Demi," is a frazzled mess. Despite grand proclamations that she's doing just fine, she's clearly wounded by Tom's betrayal, conflicted about her upcoming divorce, and hesitant to fully commit to working with her screw-up brothers. The only time she's on solid ground is when she's high off the joy of f****** over her dad. But how much does that victory matter when, at the end of the day, she doesn't have the company she truly wanted and has royally screwed up her marriage? Despite their big win, Shiv ends the episode looking miserable while holding hands with her future ex-husband. She doesn't leave or even ask him to leave. They just lay there, together and far apart.

Roman's facade is also a farce. He walked away from his siblings on a high note ("I am going back to LA to retire to my bedroom and pull myself off"), but I don't really buy the celebratory spirit he claims to have. With Pierce on the board, Roman was the most reluctant to re-enter a war with their father. It makes sense — no one ended season three on a lower note than Roman, who was not only hurt by their failure but wounded by the heartbreak of finally standing his ground, only to be utterly shattered. Why would he want to open himself back up to that kind of pain? But clinging tight to his siblings is his best bet, so he does it anyway. He isn't even that thrilled about their victory: when Logan jumps on the line to call them morons, Shiv and Kendall fistbump. Roman seems struck by the insult.

Which brings us to the main problem with their so-called win: the Roy siblings put so much distance between themselves and Logan but once again, they've been sucked back into his orbit. Can they ever truly win if every decision they make revolves around either pleasing or pissing off their father?