The Best (And Worst) Worf-Themed Star Trek Merchandise Michael Dorn Has Ever Seen

In Roger Nygard's 1997 documentary film "Trekkies," actor Wil Wheaton, who played teenage Wesley Crusher on "Star Trek: The Next Generation," pointed out that few groups of fans spend more time, energy, and finances on their object of affection than Trekkies. Anyone who has been to a "Star Trek" convention knows the sheer volume of "Star Trek" merchandise in the world. There are models of ships, tricorders, uniforms, communicator badges, and trading cards, not to mention t-shirts, phone cases, bumper stickers, coffee mugs ("Tea, Early Grey, Hot"), and any number of household items emblazoned with Trek indicia. This author owns a pizza knife in the shape of the U.S.S. Enterprise, with the ship's saucer section serving as the cutting blade. 

Trekkies aren't as keen on action figures as their "Star Wars" fan counterparts, but one can find just about any character they want. Having been to Trek conventions, I recall actor Jonathan Frakes — Commander Riker on "Next Generation" — complaining about a merchandise booth that advertised "Buy any two action figures, get Riker free." Frosted Frakes, sadly, are not real. 

As an actor, it must be a surreal experience seeing your own face printed on t-shirts, book covers, and bedsheets, and one might hope that any performer involved with a media franchise as big as "Star Trek" would at least be given advice as to how to weather the massive publicity. 

Michael Dorn, who played the Klingon Worf across several Trek shows, recently had a conversation with SFX Magazine, and he recalled some of the cooler items of Trek mech bearing his likeness ... as well as what might be the worst. It seems hungry kids almost had a chance to eat lunch while looking at a severed head. 

To start with the worst item, Michael Dorn remembered a specific lunch box. Evidently, a clever lunch box manufacturer thought to make a 3D model of Worf's face that could be loaded with food. When being carried, a child was merely toting a Klingon cranium. It must have looked grim. Dorn said: 

"It looked like you were carrying around a person's chopped-off head by the hair. I think that's the only time that I went, 'Guys, that is the worst idea I've ever seen.'"

The lunch box was rejected, but some Trekkies may recall the Klingon Great Hall playset. It wasn't Worf's head, but in the 1990s, children could purchase a plastic head that, when cracked open, revealed a Polly Pocket-like diorama inside. It came with miniature action figures. As of this writing, the bulk of Worf merch online consists mostly of clothing bearing Worf's face, costume, or dialogue. Also, throw pillows where Worf is a cat. 

Dorn may have been startled by the lunch box but did recall two pieces of Worf merch that made his heart beat fast. He said: 

"When I grew up, I had a G.I. Joe and so that was the moment when I kind of went, 'Oh my god...?' Well, there's two moments: when I got my first action figure, I thought it was really cool. When I knew that I'd arrived, we had Pez dispensers and there was a Worf Pez dispenser. [...] That to me was like, 'Okay, I'm an icon now.'"

No one is anyone unless their head on a Pez dispenser. Who hasn't wanted to eat miniature bricks of sucrose directly from the throat of a Klingon warrior? Buy any two Pez machines, and get Riker free.