The Christmas Story House Is Up For Sale, With A Whole Lot Of Conditions

What do you want for Christmas this year? Is it a Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle? Is it a fuzzy pink bunny costume? A very sexy leg lamp for your window? Heck, you may even have The Old Man's leg lamp in your own home already. But maybe you'd like all of that and more inside the actual house from the 1983 film "A Christmas Story." If so, we have good news. The Parker household — now a museum centered around the classic holiday film — is up for sale, according to Variety. Don't celebrate just yet, though. There are a lot of conditions, and you'll probably have to sell all your other presents to afford it. 

If you don't watch "A Christmas Story" several times each holiday season as I do, the modern classic is set at Christmas in 1940s Indiana (though the house is actually located in Cleveland, Ohio's Tremont district). Ralphie Parker (Peter Billingsley) wants nothing more than that special BB gun from Santa, but everyone keeps telling him that he'll shoot his eye out. The film is a vignette celebration of what a suburban Christmas was like back then with a dysfunctional but charming Midwestern family, based on Jean Shepherd's 1966 book "In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash." It's been a staple of the holiday season for years. The film is so popular that it not only got a sequel this year called "A Christmas Story Christmas," but it's also played in 24-hours marathons each Christmas. 

So what will it take to get this house/museum into your hot little hands? Owner Brian Jones has some restrictions you may want to consider before you plan on purchasing the place.

Jones purchased the property, which was listed on eBay, after he was already selling replicas of Mr. Parker, aka the Old Man's (Darren McGavin), "major prize," a leg lamp in fishnet stockings. Jones began selling them in 2003, along with lamp mugs, cups, and shot glasses, according to Variety's interview with him. 

After the business took off, in 2004, he got the house for $100,000. Not bad for a piece of movie memorabilia that you can live in. He jazzed up the place (the furnace was probably acting up again) with $250,000 in renovations and a transformation into a museum, complete with a gift shop and parking lots. He even bought the land on each side, so the place wasn't overwhelmed with modern buildings. There are seven properties in all, and they're all part of the deal. Jones won't say how much it's going for, but the interviewer J. Kim Murphy threw out the number $4 million, and it was rejected immediately as way too low and not enough to even operate the museum for a year. 

That's a lot of money. In addition to telling Santa how good you were this year, you might want to bribe him a bit. Jones is reportedly screening people and making them sign confidentiality agreements beforehand. You see, Jones wants the new owner to continue to run the museum. Add in the fact that Cleveland named the house a historic landmark, with some prompting from Jones, and this gets more complicated. He says:

"You can't even change the paint scheme. You can't add anything to the porches. You can't do anything without the city's OK. Being such a valuable asset to the city, they're not going to allow anybody else to do that."

You may have heard that actor Yano Anaya who played Grover Dill in the film, was recently yelled at by Jones after asking fans at the house for donations so he and other cast members could buy it. Jones told Variety that he didn't want fans to get defrauded out of money because, "There was no way the funds were actually going to be used to purchase the house." He apologized for his temper, but that closes off one avenue for those looking for creative ways to afford this. 

It does sound like the Parker residence is going to require large amounts of cash. Jones says, "There's always a fire to put out. We have had electrical issues in the past. The museum almost caught fire once." In fact, the article points out that Jones might not even sell the place if he doesn't find the right buyer. 

So if you're in the market to run a museum, have the cash for several properties, and aren't asking fans to help you, this might be right up your alley. If not ... well, you can always ask Santa for that Red Ryder BB gun. 

"A Christmas Story" and "A Christmas Story Christmas" are currently streaming on HBO Max.