The Machine Teaser: Bert Kreischer Brings His Russian Mafia Story To The Big Screen

Sometimes, comedians tell stories that are much too funny to be true. Surely no one's life actually contains mind-boggling hijinks, quotable one-liners, and situations that so carefully toe the line between hilarious and life-threatening? And yet, Bert Kreischer walks among us, living a life that sounds more akin to an R-rated comedy than reality. Which is why it makes so much sense that his stories keep getting grafted onto the big screen.

Here's where it started: when Kreischer was in college in the late '90s, he became the topic of a Rolling Stone article that dubbed him "the top partyer at the Number One Party School." That story not only gave him the push he needed to move to NYC and pursue a career in stand-up comedy but also served as the inspiration for National Lampoon's Van Wilder. Just like that — thanks to some Hollywood magic — Kreischer's life became a movie. But unbeknownst to the millions of fans who enjoyed the college comedy, the Van Wilder movies don't even include the craziest story from Kreischer's party days. As wild as things got on his Florida college campus, nothing holds a candle to what went down when young Kreischer studied abroad in Russia. 

Through a series of hilarious events (and with the help of a lot of vodka), Kreischer lived the story of a lifetime: he befriended the Russian mafia and helped them rob a train. Kreischer told this story years later in his comedy special, "The Machine," and that segment quickly went viral, becoming a career-defining moment for him. The result? Legendary films optioned the rights to Kreischer's story and voilà! Once again, a film has been made detailing one of the wildest college stories the world has ever seen.

After filming began in 2021, we didn't hear much about how "The Machine" was progressing. But Kreischer finally broke the silence earlier this week, by leaking the teaser trailer across various platforms with the note: "Today is my 50th birthday AND the anniversary of The Machine story. As a present to myself, I'm sharing the teaser to my movie #TheMachine. If you guys enjoy it, please tag a friend, share it, and spread the word — let's get this thing in theaters ASAP!!" The film's director Peter Atencio ("Key & Peele," "Keanu") joined in on the fun, sharing the teaser on Twitter which only added to the hype for the film's release.

Described as "The Hangover" meets "Midnight Run," the plot of "The Machine" begins twenty years after the events that Kreischer details in his viral story. Instead of just adapting the events, the film will focus on the hilarious fallout: Kreischer and his father are kidnapped by Russian mobsters. Oh, and Kreischer's father is played by Mark freaking Hamill. Doesn't that just sound like the kind of chaotic action-comedy you need in your eyeballs immediately? Along with Kreischer and Hamill, the film also stars Iva Babic, Jimmy Tatro, Nikola Djuričko, Stephanie Kurtzuba, and Martyn Ford.

Legendary has yet to reveal a release date or distribution plan for "The Machine," but Atencio hinted that the overwhelming response to the teaser is a step in the right direction. Until we learn more about its release, we'll just have to settle for enjoying the wild story in its original stand-up format.