Which House Of The Dragon Character Is The Hottest Mess? An Investigation

This post has spoilers for "House of the Dragon" episode 7.

For those who don't already know, House Targaryen's sigil is a three-headed dragon, and its words are "Fire & Blood." I don't know what that sounds like to you, but anyone who has been acquainted with the unhinged antics of the members of this noble Valyrian house already knows that most of its members are a hot mess. Daenerys Targaryen = hot mess. Jon Snow/Aegon Targaryen = hot mess who didn't know much but was still a hot mess. And then there's "House of the Dragon," the seriously superior spin-off (try saying that three times as fast) which showcases an unseen side of one of the most significant events in Targaryen history — The Dance of Dragons — which took place in the first place because of said hot messes.

Every episode shuffles the rank on which character is the most miserable or the most terrifying in the game for the Iron Throne, and the seventh episode, "Driftmark," dials up on the chaos like never before. Determining which one of these characters is the hottest mess of them all raises some important questions. Everyone's having a tough time in "House of the Dragon," maneuvering through political moves, playing a game of chess, and, more importantly, trying to conceal their true selves behind a facade. As the game gets more complicated and King Viserys (Paddy Considine) inches closer to his inevitable death, more and more players are beginning to lose semblance of themselves; they're barely keeping it together. Picking the hottest mess of them all isn't as easy as it sounds: These incredibly layered characters only let their crazy out when they can't handle it anymore. So, let's try and investigate.

Some would argue that the patricidal newly-crowned Lord of Harrenhal deserves to be ranked higher on this list. Larys Strong (Matthew Needham) is always up to no good. So far, he has made his turn to the Greens evident, hatching a plot for murder without being asked to do so, and in this episode, he practically stares at Queen Alicent (Olivia Cooke) until he burns a hole in her head. Even Ser Criston Cole (Fabien Frankel) relays to Alicent that Larys was "unabashedly" staring at her like she was a meat pie or something. 

We've learned that Larys is the kind of psychopath who feels no remorse for his crimes; he doesn't have a conscience; he simply loves being useful to powerful people. Now that he has been informed of his newly-confirmed bestie-to-the-queen position, he'll continue to make choices no one asked him to make, in an endeavor to showcase his loyalty to her. Judging from the conversation between Alicent and Larys, it looks like they'll be plotting their next move together, and it'll be interesting to see how much more chaotic he allows things to get.

I'm all for team Black, but you know King Viserys needs to sort out his priorities when he's more concerned about who levied vile-but-totally-true insults toward Rhaenyra's (Emma D'Arcy) children after his own son had his eye taken out. He's a great grandpa but he's clearly not a very great dad to his children with Alicent. 

At this point in "House of the Dragon," he has gone above and beyond to prove he couldn't care less about his teenage boys. He's coolly living in denial about his daughter's actions. He even calls Alicent by the name of his dead wife. Furthermore, he's finally making use of his crown — but only to safeguard Rhaenyra's interests. King Viserys knows he is biased. He doesn't care, he's just minding his business and wants to live in peace during the time he has left, which quite frankly, is exactly the kind of character we should all be rooting for.

Daemon Targaryen (Matt Smith) is the show's ex-rogue prince and the most terrifying wild card there is, but he has sobered down over the years. Then there's Rhaenyra, who's keeping up with the Targaryen family appearances hoping that her claim to the throne will not be easily forgotten. But this episode is where Rhaenyra truly realizes what she must do to have a real claim to the throne: marry her uncle. It hasn't been 24 hours since her sister-in-law and Daemon's wife Laena's (Nanna Blondell) funeral when Rhaenyra and Daemon decide to get some, which eventually leads them to an epiphany: They need to get married so Rhaenyra can feel less threatened by the Hightowers.

Plot twist time!

There's only one way for them to be married. Rhaenyra's husband Laenor (John MacMillan) has to die, so the two hash out a plan where Daemon pulls out his favorite jedi-style hoodie and kills a random person to pose as Laenor's tragically burnt corpse, in turn, allowing Laenor to escape with his lover and go live out his gay fantasies far away from the invasive, judgy eyes of King's Landing. Poor Daemon and Rhaenyra's children haven't even mourned their dead parents when they're made to attend another wedding (in between a funeral!), where Daemon and Rhaenyra are bound together in a traditional Valyrian ceremony. These two reconnected after 10 years and had been together less than a day and have already caused more drama than necessary, the consequences of which we will surely see in the next episode. A hot mess of a couple, but we stan.

On the list of things you shouldn't be doing at a funeral (which includes having sex with your uncle), another thing you definitely should not be doing is stealing your dead family member's dragon. Then again, Aemond Targaryen (Leo Ashton) has been bullied about not having a dragon since he was a child, and as George R.R. Martin once said, dragons are claimed, not stolen.

Sneaking away during a funeral to pursue the world's greatest, oldest, most terrifying dragon and managing to do so is no easy feat, especially because Aemond has fearlessly strolled into dragon pits before, with no plan, just an impulse that he will magically bond with one of them. So, how did he decide that Vhagar would be in on this? He didn't. He didn't even think on it. He's the newest rogue Targaryen prince in town — he caused an entire family fight club during which his mother nearly commits murder — and his closing statement was to declare that he has no regrets. He casually says that he might have lost an eye, but he gained a dragon, and his stubbornness makes him dangerous, chaotic, and the second hottest mess in Westeros.

Queen Alicent is, without a doubt, the hottest mess in King's Landing. She remembers the one time Rhaenyra lied to her and decided to make it everyone's problem. She has taken every opportunity to showcase her hatred for the princess. She claimed Rhaenyra's children were illegitimate, spewed hatred in the hearts of her own children, and officially lost all sense of logic and reason during this week's episode. Hurtling toward your unarmed, six-year-old step-grandchild while brandishing a blade in a promise to take his eye out is the most unhinged, deranged thing anyone on this show has ever done. 

When Rhaenyra tells Alicent, "Now they see you for who you are," she realizes that the veil on her theatrics has finally lifted, that she has taken a step she cannot come back from. Plus, she then lacerates Rhaenyra's arm, causing a pool of blood, totally unbothered that she committed treason of the highest order — which in a perfect world would be punishable by death. Alicent claims to defend morals and decency while she manipulates anyone and everyone, has everyone wrapped around her little finger, and is the most hateful and resentful person in King's Landing, committed to causing the most harm to others. This is only just the beginning, but something tells me she's going to be at the top of this list for a long time.