How Bros Reclaims The Funny Gay Sex Scene

Billy Eichner and Nicholas Stoller's "Bros" officially opens in cinemas today, and while it's far from the first gay romcom out there, it is the first R-rated gay romcom produced and theatrically distributed by a mainstream studio. The LGBTQ+ community have their own mixed feelings about how that factoid is being used in the marketing, but when one stops to think about how many unapologetically gay ads and posters of the film are everywhere, or just how many theaters the film will be screened across the U.S. this weekend (perhaps reaching out to audiences who wouldn't normally see queer media), the achievement is nothing to scoff at.

It does raise the question, though: what is "Bros" trying to achieve as part of popular culture? For co-writer and star Billy Eichner, one of his goals for the film was to position a new kind of queer narrative in the mainstream eye. The film centers grown "forty-something" adults who have already gotten past "coming out," features openly queer actors playing their properly queer roles, and actively shows the daily life of modern gay culture in New York City.

Most importantly, these characters have sex! Lots of it. "Bros" is deeply and refreshingly unashamed of gay sex. In fact, one of the greatest successes of the romcom is that it subverts a long tradition of mainstream comedies making gay sex the homophobic punchline, and reclaims it into something tender and vulnerable.

If you haven't seen "Bros" yet, there are mild spoilers ahead!

Although "Bros" has lots of reverence for the studio comedies before it (who doesn't love watching Nora Ephron films and eating the feelings away?), it's not afraid to throw some under the bus. On one of Bobby's (Billy Eichner) first dates with his masculine and straight-passing love interest Aaron (Luke Macfarlane), he asks what Aaron's favorite movie is — to which he replies, "The Hangover." Bobby, neurotic and prideful as he is, goes on a rant about the homophobic humor within the film. In this moment, "Bros" makes the audience consider the many comedy films before it where queerness was simply just played for laughs.

Gay sex, and in particular the act of anal sex, has been cinema's punching bag for a very long time. "Get Hard" and "Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay" express the fear of men going to prison exclusively through the lens of "don't drop the soap" jokes. Seth Rogen's "The Interview" has a scene in which his character hides a miniature missile up his anus. Though not a studio comedy, this year's "Everything Everywhere All at Once" features a running gag with characters comedically using buttplugs.

The numerous examples could justify an entire thesis in itself, and though these scenes intent range from viciously homophobic to dangerously ignorant, they all contribute to the upsetting idea: that gay sex is something that is emasculating, sometimes predatory, but mostly something to feel genuine shame about.

In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, pop star turned actor Harry Styles said that the sex scenes in his upcoming movie, "My Policeman" are different because "so much of gay sex in film is two guys going at it, and it kind of removes the tenderness from it." Styles is unfortunately woefully misinformed about gay sexuality in cinema (see "God's Own Country" or "Weekend"), but there's something to be said about how his statement reflects an attitude towards gay sex in the mainstream: that gay sex is not love, it's rough and juvenile. Perhaps that's why in heteronormative comedies, it's an absurdist act.

In "Bros," when Bobby and Aaron have one-on-one sex for the first time, it's spurred from a petty argument that quickly turns into a wrestling match. After the characters make out in the park, they head back to Bobby's apartment, a release of all the sexual frustration these two emotionally unavailable men have subjected each other to. No, "Bros" does not push the boundaries of its R-rating, but what it does do is prove that gay sex can contain multitudes.

There's roughness to the encounter, but it's not predatory or nasty, there's a level of trust that is just sincere. Bobby is tossed on the bed, Aaron flexes while Bobby kisses his biceps, and there's a ferocity to the scene's tone that is disinterested in making a heterosexual audience comfortable. It doesn't need to make anyone feel comfortable, in fact, because sex is vulnerable and these men tend to want to be anything but vulnerable.

This is where the humor comes into play: the "joke" of gay sex reframed into something more relatable and humanistic. "Bros" reclaims the supposed absurdity of gay sex by showing the audience that sex as an act in itself is already absurd. It is inherently two (or, as the film makes it clear, there's always room for more) people acting out their desires on each other, and out of context, it can look pretty embarrassing. Bobby looks like he's in heaven admiring Aaron's body, and Aaron has a kinky interest in Bobby's feet. It's played off as funny because it is funny. Our sexuality is a window into our deepest, agonizingly human desires. That doesn't mean it can't also be rough or sexy, or intimate and romantic. "Bros" successfully positions gay sex as simultaneously capable of being all things at once.

Although "Bros" is directed by a straight man, Eichner and producer Guy Branum's influence on the film as out gay men is proudly the film's central voice. Though it's certainly from the white, cisgendered gay perspective, the film has a great amount of self-awareness and a sharp grasp on history, giving the romcom a surprising amount of depth. That's the true value of this film's existence in the mainstream, whether the film is de-mystifying the act of gay sex, encouraging its LGBTQ+ audience to tell their own stories, or interrogating queer diaspora, it positions itself as a thoughtful but equally entertaining entry to the studio comedy canon.

"Bros" is in theaters now.