Do You Find Me Sadistic: Ranking Every Single Quentin Tarantino Character (Part One)

Every single Quentin Tarantino character is full of life. Look to the fringes of his films and you'll find supporting characters with more personality and spark than leading characters in other movies. Minor characters, who appear for a single scene and vanish forever, are given lines of dialogue that would be the highlight of other films. Few living filmmakers stack their films with so many memorable names and faces.

And with his new movie, The Hateful Eight, about to hit theaters, it's time to something really, really dumb: rank every single Quentin Tarantino character of any significance from worst to best. Bear with me. This is going to take awhile.

When assembling the master list of names for this endeavor, we followed a handful of rules:

Going by those regulations, I re-watched all eight of Tarantino's movies, took a lot of notes, and arrived at a final list of 122 names. If there's someone missing who you think is seriously worth of additional consideration... just go write your own list.

This may seem like a preposterous list, an exercise in cinematic masochism and, well, that's kind of a true. But this was really just an excuse to revisit the career of one of the great modern filmmakers and to examine the literal dozens of amazing characters he has created.

So let's get started. Welcome to part one a three-part series that will rank every single Quentin Tarantino character. In today's edition: #122 through #61...

The Movie: Death ProofThe Actor: Quentin TarantinoNoteworthy Quote: "Is that a tasty beverage or is that a tasty be-ve-rage?"

Quentin Tarantino obviously wanted to have fun and chill out on the set of Death Proof and taking on the minor character of Warren the bartender gave him an opportunity. No one would remember this character at all if it didn't involve Tarantino sampling one of the most famous lines from Pulp Fiction.

The Movie: Death ProofThe Actor: Eli RothNoteworthy Quote: "Dude f***ing cut himself falling out of his time machine."

When Quentin Tarantino decided to have fun and chill out on the set of Death Proof, he apparently decided to bring in his buddy, filmmaker Eli Roth, along for the ride. Fair enough. What good are friends if you can't just drop them into your movies whenever you want?

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: Quentin Tarantino

Quentin Tarantino has never been a particularly strong actor. Here, he tries out an unfortunate Australian accent. He does get a great death, though – blown up by a stick of dynamite.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: John Jarratt

Quentin Tarantino collects character actors like normal people collect baseball cards. He's obviously a Wolf Creek fan.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: Michael Parks

Of all the minor characters Michael Parks has played throughout Tarantino's filmography, this one shines the least. That's no fault of Parks, an actor who has never given a bad performance in his life, but hey, someone has to suffer when you rank things.

The Movie: Reservoir DogsThe Actor: Quentin TarantinoNoteworthy Quote: "Let me tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It's a metaphor for big dicks."

At one point, Tarantino considered casting himself in the much larger role of Mr. Pink. He eventually, and thankfully, settled for the much smaller role of Mr. Brown. Tarantino isn't awful, but he's certainly out of his league when surrounded by the likes of Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, and Steve Buscemi.

The Movie: Reservoir DogsThe Actor: Eddie BunkerNoteworthy Quote: "How many dicks is that?"

Eddie Bunker, a former criminal turned writer and actor, imbues Mr. Blue with an effective and lived-in world weariness. And yet, he only has a few lines and vanishes from the movie after the opening credits, dying offscreen.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: Julie Dreyfus

Tarantino apparently likes working with Julie Dreyfus, who played a more significant role in Kill Bill Vol. 1. Why else would he cast her as Joseph Goebbel's French translator, who exists to relay information across the language barrier, participate in a bizarre sex joke, and receive a brutal death.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 2The Actor: Christopher Allen NelsonNoteworthy Quote: "Well, let's just say I like to live dangerously."

Tommy Plympton has one job and one job only: to look like a dumb schmuck who is entirely unworthy of Uma Thurman at a quick glance. Mission accomplished.

The Movie: Jackie BrownThe Actor: Lisa Gay Hamilton

As one Ordell Robbie's pawn in his increasingly complex game of cash and guns, Sheronda is an innocent caught in the crossfire. She exits the movie after only a single scene, although her naïveté leaves a mark on the toughed Jackie.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 2The Actor: Clark MiddletonNoteworthy Quote: "Look at those eyes. This bitch is furious."

Budd's redneck buddy helps him bury Uma Thurman's Beatrix Kiddo alive. In just a handful of lines, actor Clark Middleton paints an effective-enough portrait of a sexist jackass.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: Sylvester GrothNoteworthy Quote: "It seems I've created a monster. A strangely persuasive monster."

It's hard to be fully appreciated as cinematic recreation of the 20th century's second greatest monster when you share a movie with the likes of Adolf Hitler. Goebbels is appropriately slimy, but, you know, Hitler is hanging around, too.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 2The Actor: Samuel L. JacksonNoteworthy Quote: "I was a Drell. I was a Drifter. I was a Coaster. I was part of The Gang. I was a Bar-Kay... If they come through Texas, I done played with them."

Did you really think Tarantino wouldn't find room for his good luck charm in either of the Kill Bill movies? Samuel L. Jackson pops up for one scene, acts cooler than everyone else in the room, and then vanishes. Sure, we'd watch a spin-off movie about the musical adventures of Rufus, the El Paso church musician.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 2The Actor: Bo SvensonNoteworthy Quote: "Now, when I say you may kiss the bride, you may kiss the bride... but don't stick your tongue in her mouth."

Of course Tarantino would cast minor B-movie legend Bo Svenson as slightly grizzled Texas preacher. Elevating bit parts with cool actors is his specialty.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: Michael BacallNoteworthy Quote: "Yes, sir!"

Of all the "Basterds" enlisted to wreak havoc across Nazi-occupied France, Michael Zimmerman seemingly has the least to do. Still, he does get to be on hand for several gnarly, tense sequences.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: Samm LevineNoteworthy Quote:  "Yes, sir!"

Despite being played by the recognizable Sam Levine, Hirschberg only has slightly more to do than Zimmerman.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: Paul RustNoteworthy Quote:  "Yes, sir!"

Despite being played by the recognizable Paul Rust, Hirschberg only has slightly more to do than Levine.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: Gedeon BurkhardNoteworthy Quote:  "Yes, sir!"

Of all the background Basterds who really don't contribute to the plot in any way, Wilhelm Wicki gets ranked the highest simply because he's in the most scenes, including the skin-crawling tavern shootout that leaves him dead.

The Movie: Pulp FictionThe Actor: Paul CalderonNoteworthy Quote: "My name's Paul and this is between y'all."

Despite being called "English Bob" by Jules and named so in the screenplay, Marsellus Wallace's friendly bartender refers to himself as Paul and is credited as such in the closing credits. He repartee with Jules and Vincent is much sharper than that of your typical movie bartender.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 1The Actor: Michael BowenNoteworthy Quote: "Well, ain't you the little slice of cutie pie they said you were. Jane Doe, huh? Well, we don't know s*** about you, huh? Well, I'm from Huntsville, Texas. My name is Buck, and I'm here to f***."

One of the most unpleasant minor characters in the Tarantino filmography, Buck is the kind of charming fellow who pimps out the bodies of coma patients. He is not a nice man and is placed with appropriate sleaze by Michael Bowen. He more than earns his brutal death at the hands of Uma Thurman's Beatrix.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 1The Actor: Gordon Liu

The leader of the Crazy 88 is the "sub-boss" of Kill Bill Vol. 1 – our heroine needs to get through him to face her real target. Johnny Mo doesn't have a personality (he literally doesn't speak), but he's a striking physical threat and his sword fight with Beatrix Kiddo is the brutal cherry on top of the film's gory climax. He even dies horribly, losing several limbs as he plunges into a pool of bloody water, never to be seen again.

The Movie: Pulp FictionThe Actor: Phil LaMarrNoteworthy Quote: "Man, I don't even have an opinion."

Marvin doesn't do much beyond getting shot in the face, but as anyone who has seen Pulp Fiction can tell you, his death triggers all kinds of hilarious and twisted events. As a character: meh. As a catalyst for Pulp Fiction's finest chapter: gold.

The Movie: Pulp FictionThe Actor: Quentin TarantinoNoteworthy Quote: "I'm gonna get f***in' divorced. No marriage counselling, no trial separation, I'm gonna get f***in' divorced."

This is the best of the characters Tarantino himself has played, mainly because the shrill Jimmie gels perfectly with his onscreen personality. He can't play cool (see Mr. Brown), but he's certainly effective enough as a put-upon whiner who loves coffee and hates having corpses in his garage.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: Cooper Huckabee

The Brittle brothers tend to blend together, but there's no denying their menace. "Little Raj" may not have much to do, but we fully understand why he and his brothers would drive Django to vengeance.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: Doc Duhame

This Brittle brother doesn't have much to do either, but his death, shot in a field while his blood drenches the cotton, is an astonishing moment.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: M.C. Gainey

As the most recognizable Brittle brother (another minor Tarantino character played by a terrific character actor), Big John gets the biggest and best chance to showcase his scumminess on screen. His death at the hands of Django triggers one of the film's best lines: "I like the way you die, boy."

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 2The Actor: Perla Haney-JardineNoteworthy Quote: "Oh, Mommy, don't die. I was just playing."

Beatrix's daughter is an adorable bundle of energy and imagination and honesty. If our heroine had fought her way through dozens of bad guys only to reach an annoying brat, Kill Bill Vol. 2 would have collapsed. As it stands now, we fall in love with this little girl as quickly as she does.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: James Remar

Calvin Candie's personal bodyguard may be a man of few words, but he is the sonuvabitch who kills Dr. King Schultz, an act of villainy that propels him above other examples of minor muscle.

The Movie: Jackie BrownThe Actor: Tommy "Tiny" Lister Jr.Noteworthy Quote: "Look man, there's only three reasons why you can't make your court date. One, you're in a hospital. Two, you're in jail. Three, your ass is dead."

Winston is one of the smallest characters in Jackie Brown, but he literally towers over everyone else. Max Cherry's partner-in-bail-bondsmanship may not get much to do in the movie, but the imposing and always watchable "Tiny" Lister ensures that he stands out in each of his scenes.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 2The Actor: Larry BishopNoteworthy Quote: "You're saying that the reason that you're not doing the job that I'm paying you to do is, that you don't have a job to do? Is that what you're saying? What are you trying to convince me of, exactly? That you're as useless as an asshole right here? Well guess what, Buddy. I think, you just f***ing convinced me!"

Larry Gomez only has one job in Kill Bill Vol. 2 and that's to make it crystal clear just how much Budd's life sucks. In the course of a single scene, Larry Bishop does all of the necessary heavy lifting, scolding Michael Madsen's miserable assassin-turned-bouncer for being lousy at his horrible job.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Death ProofThe Actor: Jonathan LoughranNoteworthy Quote: "What's a cheerleader movie?"

Jasper appears twice in the Tarantino filmography, playing a redneck scumbag piece of trash on both occasions. Actor Jonathan Loughran should consider this a compliment: he makes your skin crawl the moment you see him. A third appearance may not be out of the question, but it would have to take place before the events of Kill Bill Vol. 1, where he met his end after attempting to have his way with Beatrix Kiddo.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: David SteenDjango Unchained is so full of horrible men doing horrible things that the mind goes numb trying to count them all. The indecipherable Mr. Stonesipher is Calvin Candie's personal slave catcher, living in a shack on his property and tracking down anyone who escapes the plantation. It's a small role, played with casual cruelty by David Steen. He gets what he deserves when Django shoots him in the balls.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: Sönke MöhringNoteworthy Quote: "I will hug my mother like I've never hugged her before."

The nastiest trick Inglourious Basterds pulls is how it often makes you feel bad for the German soldiers our heroes are slaughtering. Poor Butz gets a swastika carved into his forehead and it's genuinely horrifying.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 1The Actor: Jun KunimuraNoteworthy Quote: "And what exactly are we celebrating? The perversion of our illustrious council?"

Boss Tanaka only has a single scene, but it's a doozy. When he speaks up at a Yakuza council meeting and makes his thoughts on Lucy Liu's O-Ren Ishii known, he loses his head. Literally. It's our transition into Kill Bill Vol. 1's exceedingly violent second half and a terrific tease of the insanity that follows.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: James RemarNoteworthy Quote: "Last chance, fancy pants."

This nasty slave trader happens across Dr. King Schultz and gets what's coming to him. A boilerplate villain given panache by strong writing and strong acting from one of the great "that guy" actors.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: James RussoNoteworthy Quote: "Who's that stumblin' around in the dark? State your business or prepare to get winged!"

See above. Only Dicky's big death scene, killed at the hands of his newly freed slaves, gives him the edge.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: B.J. NovakNoteworthy Quote: "The Germans' nickname for me is 'the Little Man'?"

Because he's played by B.J. Novak, Utivich is one of the funniest Basterds and he gets a handful of great lines. However, Novak's casual humor is better utilized when he plays against type, like when he nonchalantly scalps a dead Nazi in the film's final scene.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: Laura Cayouette

You get the impression that much of Laura Cayouette's performance ended up on the cutting room floor. As the body count rises in the second half of Django Unchained, Lara Lee Candie-Fitzwilly stands on the sidelines, providing key support while other villains get the showy moments. What is there is strong: cheerful but creepy, you just know that there's something wrong going on between her and and Calvin.

The Movie: Pulp FictionThe Actor: Frank WhaleyNoteworthy Quote: "What? What-?"

Brett exists to get intimidated by Jules, but it's hard to imagine Samuel L. Jackson's iconic monologue packing the same punch if there wasn't this poor schmuck on the receiving end of it.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 1The Actor: Julie DreyfusNoteworthy Quote: "Burn in hell, blonde bitch! I'll tell you nothing!"

O-Ren Ishii's best friend, lawyer and right-hand lady is the kind of villain who receives such a raw deal at the hand of the hero that you can't help but feel awful for her. Julie Dreyfus sells Sofie's confidence and sophistication with gusto, but it's her transition into traumatized victim that elevates her from a memorable henchwoman into something a little more.

The Movie: Death ProofThe Actor: Mary Elizabeth WinsteadNoteworthy Quote: "Yeah, but not the real Rock. He's this electrician named Bruce, and Kim started calling him The Rock because he looks like The Rock, so we all just started calling him the Rock."

Mary Elizabeth Winstead is so funny and watchable in her limited Death Proof screen time that you almost resent the movie for abruptly abandoning her at a desolate cabin with the likes of Jasper (which is easily the film's most uncomfortable and unfortunate moment). Lee is fun enough that the film should have found a way to squeeze her into the car for that big final chase.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: Bruce DernNoteworthy Quote: "And this one... you will sell him cheap!"

It may be little more than a cameo (in a flashback, even), but Bruce Dern is genuinely unpleasant and unnerving as Django's former owner. You can imagine this character being fleshed out and given more screen time and becoming a contender for one of Tarantino's strongest villains. But alas.

The Movie: Pulp FictionThe Actor: Bronagh Gallagher

As Trudi, Bronagh Gallagher has one job: look stoned and curious as everyone else in the scene flips out over an overdosing-on-heroine Mia Wallace. Its a thankless task, but her reaction shots have more humor and character than entire characters in other movies.

The Movie: Jackie BrownThe Actor: Michael BowenNoteworthy Quote: "Cut to 13 years later, you're 44 years of age. You're flying for the s***tiest-little-shuttle-f***ing piece of s*** Mexican airline that there is."

As the "bad cop" to Michael Keaton's Ray Nicolette, Michael Bowen's Mark Dargus is a fairly top-notch "crude cop who doesn't give a s*** about your feelings" type. His early scenes with Keaton are a ton of fun, but he plummets down this list because he all-but-disappears from the film's second half.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: Dennis ChristopherNoteworthy Quote: "Yes, he is a bit of a francophile. Well, what civilized people aren't?"

Calvin Candie's gentlemanly lawyer is the kind of human garbage who goes on about law and order and civilization while negotiating slave trades. His ludicrously over-the-top death (used as a human shield by Django until he's practically liquified by bullets) seems too kind.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 2The Actor: Helen KimNoteworthy Quote: "Not that I have to be at this range, but I'm a f***ing surgeon with this shotgun."

Karen Kim's one scene in Kill Bill Vol. 2 plays like a great short story. One assassin comes to kill another. The target turns out to be pregnant. The two killers negotiate how both can back away from pulling the trigger given the new circumstances. In just a few minutes, Karen movies through a complete character transformation. More importantly, she's the perfect foil for Uma Thurman as she plays one of the most important scenes in either Kill Bill movie.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: Mike MyersNoteworthy Quote: "We have all our rotten eggs in one basket. The objective of Operation Kino: blow up the basket."

Who casts Mike Myers as a straight-laced British military commander and then just has him play it as straight as possible? Quentin Tarantino, apparently. Why Myers doesn't pursue more weird small roles for great directors is beyond our understanding – his General Ed Fenech is a surprisingly strong performance from a guy who could be a fascinating character actor if he had the inclination.

The Movie: Reservoir DogsThe Actor: Randy BrooksNoteworthy Quote: "An undercover cop's gotta be Marlon Brando. To do this job, you got to be a great actor. You've got to be naturalistic. You've got to be naturalistic as hell."

Freddy Newandyke, a.k.a. Mr. Orange, reports directly to Holdaway, the detective who has placed him undercover to take down Joe Cabot's criminal organization. We don't get to see him do much police work, but we do get to see him training Freddy in the fine art of acting, acting as director for an actor whose performance can literally mean the difference between life and death.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: Martin WuttkeNoteworthy Quote: "Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein! How much more of these Jew swine must I endure?"

Tarantino's riff on History's Greatest Monster walks a fine line between parody and a serious portrayal. He's silly enough that we can laugh in his face but realistic enough that it actually feels like it matters when a machine gun gets emptied into his face. It's a tricky balance, but Martin Wuttke pulls it off.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Death ProofThe Actor: James ParksNoteworthy Quote: "Don't know. The name on the marriage certificate is 'Arlene Machiavelli.' That's a fake. We've all just been calling her 'The Bride' on account of the dress."

Edgar McGraw really exists as a sounding board for Michael Parks' Earl McGraw, which means he exists so one of the best actors in Tarantino's stable of regulars can talk at him. That makes him invaluable. James Parks being the son of Michael Parks is a nice bonus.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Death ProofThe Actor: Michael ParksNoteworthy Quote: "S***. Two tons of metal, 200 miles an hour, flesh and bone and plain old Newton... they all princess died."

In two movies, Tarantino has summoned Texas Ranger Early McGraw to the aftermath of two grisly crime scenes to provide expositional commentary on what happened and what will happen next (his scene in Death Proof is a deliberate riff on the infamously tacked-on conclusion to Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho). On both occasions, the great Michael Parks makes those scenes funny and weird far more enjoyable than they have any right to be. There's a reason Parks pops up so many times across these movies – the man is incapable of not being interesting on camera.

The Movie: Death ProofThe Actor:  Jordan LaddNoteworthy Quote: "Remember: no hooking up tonight. You can hang with 'em, you can make out with 'em, but no hookin' up with 'em, because we are driving to Lake LBJ tonight, and my daddy's pretty clear on one thing. He said 'Ah am lettin' you and your girlfriends stay at my lake house. Not you and some horny boys tryin' to get their f*** on with my daughter.'"

The girls in the first half of Death Proof exist simply to ride around Austin, have extended conversations, and then die horribly at the hands of the film's villain. Shanna may not have the flash required to be a truly iconic Tarantino character, but we certainly like her well enough that we feel bad when she bites the dust.

The Movie: Death ProofThe Actor: Sydney Tamiia PoitierNoteworthy Quote: "Black men and a whole lotta motherf***in' white men have had plenty fun adoring my ass. I don't wear their teeth marks on my butt for nothing."

Read the entry for Shanna. Find and replace "Shanna" with "Jungle Julia."

The Movie: Death ProofThe Actor: Vanessa FerlitoNoteworthy Quote: "You got two jobs: kiss good, and make sure my hair don't get wet."

Arlene is the most interesting of the three women who dominate the first half of Death Proof by default. We see most of the action through her eyes and the scene where Stuntman Mike encourages her to perform a playful lap dance is genuinely sexy stuff. But like the other characters in the first half of the film, she mostly exists just to die horribly. Arlene pales in comparison to the characters who enter in the film's second half.

The Movie: Inglourious BasterdsThe Actor: Omar DoomNoteworthy Quote: "I don't speak Italian."

Omar gets ranked this high simply because he's one of the two Basterds who actively participates in the execution of Adolf Hitler and his closest associates. However, Omar Doom is also legitimately funny and his interplay with Eli Roth's Donny lends a lighter touch the climactic massacre.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: Ato EssandohDjango Unchained is a fun movie... but it's a fun movie that refuses to shy away from the horrors of slavery, occasionally pausing to rub the audience's face in muck. The death of D'Artagnan is the most grueling moment in the film and he serves as a reminder that we simply should not, and cannot, have mercy for the slavers Django takes down in the back half of the film.

The Movie: Kill Bill Vol. 2The Actor: Michael ParksNoteworthy Quote: "I must warn you, young lady, I am susceptible to flattery."

Michael Parks gets away with two things in the Kill Bill movies. First, he gets away with playing two completely separate characters. Second, he gets away with playing a Mexican. What should feel like a politically incorrect disaster actually works. Esteban is a charismatic but cruel gentleman – you believe that this man was instrumental in transforming Bill into the charming, near-perfect killer that puts a bullet in Beatrix's head.

The Movie: Death ProofThe Actor: Rose McGowanNoteworthy Quote: "Are you sure it's safe?"

It turns out that Rose McGowan is pretty effective as the typical "first girl to die in a slasher flick." That the weapon of her demise is the interior of a "death proof" stunt car only makes her small role and fast death all the more memorable.

The Movie: Pulp FictionThe Actor: Duane WhitakerNoteworthy Quote: "Zed? It's Maynard. Yeah, spider just caught a couple of flies."

Let's just be honest with ourselves here. Maynard is barely a character, but the unanswered questions surrounding who he is and why he's doing what he's, uh, doing make him into a black hole of inexplicable evil.

The Movie: Pulp FictionThe Actor: Peter GreeneNoteworthy Quote: "Bring out the gimp."

Somehow, Zed is even worse than Maynard, mainly because he seems to be the one in charge. Once again, he's less of a character and more of a stomach-churning idea, but what an idea!

The Movie: Pulp FictionThe Actor: Stephen HibbertNoteworthy Quote: "Mmmmmphhh!"

Nobody likes to talk about the gimp. Nobody wants to even think about how the gimp ended up in his current position. But nobody forgets about the gimp.

The Movie: Django UnchainedThe Actor: Walton GogginsNoteworthy Quote: "Da-jango! You son of a bitch!"

Walton Goggins' role in Django Unchained was originally much smaller. When Kurt Russell departed the project during filming, Tarantino opted not to recast and gave all of the necessary business to Goggins' character instead. The result is a small showcase for one of the best actors working today. Billy Crash is one of the least complex villains in the film, but Goggins can do menace like no one's business and he supplies it in spades.