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Stories By Jordan Hoffman
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The 2012 Summer Olympics are in full swing and you know what that means: once again you are looking up the definition of the word "dressage." The sports film, when done right, can be one of the most exhilarating genres of all. And once you get past The Fighter, The Sandlot and Hoosiers you'll find…
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One time I inadvertently stole a Milky Way bar. I was at the Drug Fair and I wanted the candy but my mother said no. I got sad and started following her around and she said maybe. So I continued following her around and then next thing you know we were in the car and…
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A great American city lays in waste. The odor of sweat, tears and Cheetoes still lingers, as do the crushed hopes of those who hit snooze one too many times instead of getting their butt on line. It will take one full year to recover. That's right friends - Comic-Con International, as no one calls…
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We are in the heart of the heat of the summer and you are either crackin' brews at the beach, cursing your life in a suit and tie wondering how the hell you got stuck in a soul-crushing corporate gig or loading the car with gas and snacks. Road trip! As we close in on…
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“While Trixie's distracting the guard, that's just when I'll be tunneling in from the fishmonger's. Just be sure to drive by in the van at precisely the moment the clock strikes or we'll all wind up in the hoosegow!” Heist movies. I love 'em. And while they always remind us that crime doesn't pay, there…
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This weekend brings us two opportunities to experience either joy or frustration, depending on what kind of life you lead. That's My Boy comes out in theaters coinciding with Father's Day. You can either laugh yourself silly and get the ol' man a tie, or you can sublimate regret and remorse for another twelve months…
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Draw a Venn diagram of film that has both mass appeal and is of interest to movie website editors and, dead center, you'll have Prometheus. Never in my sixty-eight years of writing professionally online have I banged out so much copy about one title. There is absolutely nothing left to scrutinize - that is, until,…
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A little over a year ago I was in London. I went to the legendary jazz club Ronnie Scott's. At one point during a jam session a young Russian man in a thick coat and scarf (despite the warm weather) ran up on stage, blew his alto like it was nobody's business, then promptly disappeared…
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Tell me if you had a similar experience. Every year when I was a kid my father would wait until I was having the most fun during Memorial Day weekend – I'd either be mid-chomp on a hot dog or about to leap off a diving board – when he'd remind me that, “this weekend…
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Everybody loves Liam Neeson. It's impossible not to. He's a badass, he's handsome, he's got the cool accent, he seems like a smart guy and he's starred in some of the best movies of the past quarter century. Even when he shows up for a quick and dirty paycheck like in Battleship it's hard to…
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I like the fact that the band is still called Sonic Youth, even though they're all in their 50s. Similarly, there's the term New Hollywood, which represents a very specific time in which the studio bosses gave free reign to independent-minded, radical filmmakers looking to push the artistic boundaries of film. It is a cinema…
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This is a weekend we've been thinking about for quite some time. The Avengers have finally assembled. I've seen the movie and I can assure you that, yes, it is tremendous fun. One of the key reasons for this is the casting – it's just terrific. Everyone plays off one another so nicely and there…
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This week's column comes from the future. As such, I already know what comments you are going to make. (Three of you will be scandalized that Time After Time wasn't included and four of you will agree with one joker who feels that anyone who hasn't seen Primer yet has no business reading this site.)…
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As has been the case since 2009, each Earth Day brings with it another tremendous, next-level nature documentary from the folks at Disneynature. The latest one, Chimpanzee, is absolutely tremendous. And while bearing the mark of Disney does bring with it the need to make the films “fun for the whole family,” kudos must be…
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To quote Martin Short's SCTV character Irving Cohen, “years ago there was a thing called a-vaude-a-ville.” Vaudeville was theatrical circuit in the late 19th century and early 20th century where, for a few cents, you'd go to see a stream of short plays, musical or comedy acts. Many of the earliest film comedians got their…
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You didn't ask for it, but here's a little window into my world. I write about film for this esteemed website and a few of its worthy competitors. Most days are spent running around New York City to various screening rooms, as well as the hotel suites to yap with movie stars. It's awesome! But…
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In college I was assigned to read something that argued all stories can be boiled down to a handful of classic texts. I never actually did the assignment, but when I explained to the professor I was sure the crux of the argument was merely a variation on essential lessons I'd already learned I was…
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This is the week The Hunger Games officially takes over the world. Try as we might to fight the system, we can't escape – that is unless we kill every last one of you. As I'm writing this I've yet to see HG, but I know I'll dig it because the concept of deadly competition…
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In one of the first TBMYPHS columns I did I suggested Jiri Menzel's 1966 film Closely Watched Trains. A few people contacted me to say how much they've always loved that one. Indeed, it is a masterpiece - and I also think it is a fair representation of the vibe I get from many Czech…
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Just last week /Film was part of the announcement that the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin is recreating the Summer of 1982. There are many who believe that, for whatever cosmic reason, '82 was a perfect year in cinema. Between The Thing, Blade Runner, Star Trek II and E.T. (whose event /Film is co-hosting) it is…
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Who doesn't love the inexplicable, transportative moviegoing experience? I remember seeing Wim Wenders' documentary about Cuban music, Buena Vista Social Club, and floating on that one for days. I thought I was going to see a concert film, but it took me to a place I'd never been before and did it in a unique…
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The Academy Awards are this Sunday and if you are anything like me you have a. . .mild interest in watching. Competition in the arts is, lets face it, a little silly. The Descendants and Tree of Life are both about troubled families, and are both brilliant, but how on earth do you compare the…
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Well fire and damnation, this week we're all going to hell. Nicolas Cage is riding to your local theater on a motorbike fueled by Satan and there's little anyone can do to stop it. I've seen Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and, quite frankly, it ain't good. That said, if I hadn't seen it yet…
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This friday Agnieszka Holland's In Darkness opens in New York and Los Angeles. It ought to have a decent run at art houses in select cities after that, particularly if it wins the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film this year. (If anything is poised to upset A Separation, it's this one.) In In…
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Hello. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jordan Hoffman and I'm an old man. Well, not THAT old, but, let's just say that for me the phrase “VHS or Beta?” was more than just an indie band, it was an actual decision. After film school I worked in the development offices of a…
