I Want To Play A Game: All 81 'Saw' Kills Ranked

Saw and Halloween – name a more iconic October duo from the last decade (seriously, not just memeing here). Every Fall, for a span of seven films in as many years, John Kramer/Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) – or one of his minions/impersonators – erected a maze of "torture porn" death traps for "chosen" characters to navigate. Carcasses were scorched, heads were pulverized like rotten fruit, and insides were spilled at a frightening turnover rate. Saw 3D was intended to end the franchise, but studio execs eventually realized how much money was left up for grabs.

Zip ahead to 2017 and we have the appropriately titled Jigsaw, Lionsgate's reboot of James Wan's infamous slaughterhouse-games franchise. Once again, audiences could rely on Halloween's October release window for one screamingly macabre "test" designed to maim, massacre and murder with redemptive intent. When I heard the news myself, a flash of Jigsaw's bodycount projected before my eyes and I knew – as an online film journalist with absolutely zero dignity left – what had to be done. SOMEONE MUST RANK ALL THE SAW DEATH SEQUENCES.

Unfortunately, Jigsaw is not screening for press so this article just focuses on Saw through Saw 3D. In any case, let's get to the gory details. How does your favorite "trap" or death rank on this punishing playlist of the damned?

It happens offscreen, but this is the catalyst for Jeff's own trials. A father consumed by revenge for his dead son, even if Timothy – the driver who must live with killing a child – is just as torn up by the accident.

An offscreen death, but it's William Easton who dooms Harold by denying him health coverage. "It's your fault" for not disclosing a dental surgery that could have caused his cardiac disease, William coldly states – not caring whether the father/husband lives or dies.

Why does Seth find himself in Jigsaw's trap? Because he slit the throat of Mark Hoffman's sister, who sought vengeance under the guise of being Jigsaw. We see the photo evidence of Angelina's death, but not the act.

Shot by Hoffman. Nothing more to say.

Hoffman uses Sachi as a human shield when Agent Perez takes her shot (er...three). Not much of a game to lose here. Also, I don't love how Perez just fires blindly at Hoffman without regard for Sachi, but such is life in Jigsawland.

Hoffman on the loose! He sneaks up and blades this lawyer under the chin.

Another Hoffman knife-spree kill, another dead cop.

Part of the "Hoffman gone rogue" murder spree – Palmer has her neck snapped.

When Erickson discovers Hoffman to be Jigsaw's copycat, Hoffman slashes his throat with a swift upswing. Blood spews, Erickson bleeds out.

Hoffman replaces junkyard Dan's dead corpse with his own in a police body bag – which Heffner opens. A quick stab to the throat and a shocked Heffner is dead, along with another officer.

While searching for Bobby Dagen in Hoffman's last test, five SWAT officers are killed by poisonous gas. A door locks behind them and cyanide capsules mix with acid to emit the deadly fumes.

Eric Matthews shoots Rigg in an attempt to prevent him from entering Jigsaw's final test, but it's no use. Rigg takes the bullet, busts through a door, gets everyone killed, and then Hoffman leaves him for dead.

Gibson leads two officers into one of Hoffman's security surveillance rooms, where he finds a live-feed to his own station and Dan's dead body (junkyard death). Realizing the station has been infiltrated, Gibson manages to get a distress call out. But before explaining why, is mowed down along with his backup by a planted sentry gun.

Rogers never sees it coming, which is a coincidence since he's shot in the eye through two-way interrogation glass. Waka waka!

One of Metro PD's Crime Scene Photographers is snapping pics of Rex and Morgan's elementary school trap when another agent accidentally trips a crossbow-like mechanism. Strahm is able to save Perez, but in doing so, lets the spike impale this poor photographer.

Perez finds out that Hoffman is the Jigsaw stand-in just as Erickson does, but she lasts a minute longer. First she's splashed with hot coffee, then repeatedly stabbed in the gut, Hoffman burying and twisting his blade while maintaining eye contact.

Imagine being one of the only Saw characters who doesn't get a righteous passing? Just a seizure and some blood drool when Jigsaw's poison becomes too much for the 7th Heaven alumni.

Danny Glover's Detective Tapp dodges death once, but allows obsession get the better of him. At first, he's throat-sliced by Jigsaw and left for dead. After rehabilitating, his Jigsaw hunt leads him to the Reaper. Tapp triest to save Dr. Gordon's family, but is shot by Zep during an ensuing struggle. Didn't learn a damn thing from Jigsaw's process.

Amanda pitties the Saw survivor and offers him a mercy kill. She begins suffocating the weakened "loser" with plastic wrap, which leads to a head-knock on the famed first-trap toilet and asphyxiation. He deserves a better (more epic) kill in my eyes.

After all Jeff endures, it's two shots from Agent Strahm that ends his misery. Of course, the corpses lying around from Saw III implicate some nasty accusations that justify Strahm's takedown – along with Jeff's own weapon.

What does Art Blank win for surviving his test with Trevor? A mechanism that'll sever his spinal column if Rigg's final test is compromised. He stands there, holding the "Release" switch with 10 seconds to go, but Rigg can't help himself. Rigg busts in and shoots Blank, killing Matthews in the process. Rigg thinks Blank is a Jigsaw accomplice, and lands a headshot for good measure when Blank goes to reach for another audio tape.

No, it's not the rancid pig-slop drowning trap that kills Judge Haden. Jeff actually mans up and rescues the poor Judge before he drowns in a slurry of maggots, rotted beast flesh and bile. Instead, Halden is killed during Timothy's trap by an errant shotgun blast after Jeff grabs a yankable key.

Amanda didn't have the chops to continue Jigsaw's legacy, and it's a single bullet from Jeff that ends it all (his only bullet). Turns out Amanda was taking part in her own test, which she fails with flying colors in-part by shooting Lynn. School's out, Amanda. But just a gunshot?

Officer Pete Baker leads his men into a caged stairwell. The door locks shut. As Baker ascends the stairs, Jigsaw's puppet – Billy! – appears. Laughter ensues as a wooden block breaks Baker's legs, but at least he's not electrocuted like his two flanking officers, who grab the now-charged wire walls. Baker escapes, his friends crispy-fried.

Jill Kramer, the pregnant wife of John "Jigsaw" Kramer, suffered a miscarriage after being pinned behind a clinic door by junkie Cecil Adams. It's an important death because with a healthy son, would Kramer have ever embraced his Jigsaw persona?

We think Zep plays the Jigsaw lackey role, but he's nothing more than another pawn. He first holds Dr. Gordon's family hostage and then murders Det. Tapp. But most may remember his as a decaying corpse featured throughout the Saw franchise. That'll happen when your head is bludgeoned with a toilet tanker cover.

We only get a final glimpse of Sidney and Alex kicking themselves over lawnmowers, hanging from what might be barbed-wire-wrapped poles – not Jigsaw's whole test. It's all a flashback while Sidney recalls the deathly ordeal in a Jigsaw survivor support meeting, but we do watch Alex fall downward into the whirring lawnmower blades. Like, a comical amount of them. Points for blood-splattered garden gnomes!

Trevor and Art Blank wake up in a cemetery mausoleum chained to what looks like a one-way pulley. Trevor's eyes are sewn shut, same as Art's mouth. Art notices a key on the back of Trevor's collar, but the big galut panics when no communication can be deciphered. He starts flailing with weapons, and eventually the machine they're both chained to starts pulling both men towards death. After a long struggle, Art is able to snag the key but gets stabbed with a hook – which he then jams into Trevor's back. A few more whacks with the hammer finishes of the scared, panicked giant. If only teamwork could have made the dream work.

Mark will live if he can translate the code scribbled onto the room he awakes in. The catch? He's slathered in flammable goo; a poison coursing through his veins. He analyzes the clues but butterfingers ultimately lights himself on fire with a candle. Maybe be more careful next time?

Poor Gus. Just a panicked business dude who presses his eye to a peephole while Xavier turns the door key. To be fair, they were warned against using the key that way. A magnum hand-cannon burrows one single metal slug through his eye and out the back. Not a bad way to go in Jigsaw's world?

A flashback brings us to the beginnings of Jigsaw's madness. Cecil, tied to a "baby's first murder trap" contraption that's nothing more than a wooden chair, metal shackles and two rows of razor knifes. Attached to his armrests are blades that would cut Cecil's wrists, so in order to free himself, he must push his face through the knifes and onto a small pressure plate. Oh look, he does it! Then Jigsaw pumps two rounds into the schmuck and sends him tumbling into a crib filled with barbed wire.

If Hank can hold his breath for about a minute, he survives. Sounds easy for anyone who isn't a 52-year-old smoker with high blood pressure. Hank tries his hardest, but then starts gasping. Every breath closes the body-sized clamp around his body until his white shirt is stained red with blood.

Oh Hoffman – you silly, rage-blinded copycat. You didn't think Jigsaw would tolerate your bullshit? Just as Saw 3D is ending, Hoffman gets exactly what he deserves for disgracing the Jigsaw name. He's confronted by Dr. Gordon, upon instructions to act on whoever harms Jill. Hoffman is drugged and wakes up in the same bathroom where it all started. Zep and Adam corpses still rotting and all. Not even given a saw. Just as Hoffman doomed all his victims, Dr. Gordon leaves the imposter to die alone, in the dark. Game over...for now.

Meet Paul, a 46-year-old male who's given an opportunity to atone for his failed suicide. He's found tangled in barbed-wire strands, his stomach acid slick on the floor. We see little of his actual death – only a snap flashback – because this is on Saw's minimal budget. Still vicious nonetheless, just more off screen than on.

At this point, the poison has crippled Jigsaw's second batch of victims. Time is running out. Xavier begins slicing tattooed numbers off other people's necks, but Jonas tries to stop him. He gets a few good shots on the muscled gym rat, but then takes a nail-spiked bat to the dome.

William Eastman sees a control panel with two handles; instructions read "Take Them." He does. The aquarium tank in front of him lights up and inside stands two of William's employees – Addy and Allen. Their necks wrapped with barbed wire nooses, time running out. William has to make a choice of who lives and who dies. Unfortunately for Allen, William picks the middle-aged family woman over a lonely twenty-something. Allen's body swings forward, slams into the enclosure glass and sprays blood right in front of William.

Cale must traverse planks that are sparsely scattered over a long-drop fall and Bobby must guide him. Why? Because there's a noose around his neck and a blindfold over his eyes. Bobby also needs to grab a key, which he does. But with time running out, he can only toss the metal savior towards Cale. He does, it hits Cale's chest, and plummets downward. "F*** me" – Cale, upon hearing the clang of a key hitting the ground. Yoink!

Poor Donnie is overdosed with opiates so he can't move or react to Amanda's stabbing. She needs to open his stomach in order to live, which she does quite viciously (about eight stabs). Amanda survives, Donnie dies a discarded puzzle piece.

Addison shoves her hands into a glass case that holds an antidote syringe. Sure, she's delirious from poison, but not even a single hesitation? Maybe then she would have noticed the razors locking her hands in place. Addison pulls away (after her antidote spills), but every retraction slices deeper into her wrists. Hanging around, hanging around – hope this kid's got alligator's blood.

A bathtub rests central in a room with numerous electrically-charged connectors placed around. One subject must unite the current in order for the exit to open. Luba tries to sacrifice Mallick, but Brit has other ideas. She spikes Luba on the neck with one of the feeds and arranges her last bath. Clamps on Luba's hands and feet, the final charge stabbed directly into her head (with lots of convulsing).

After going all roid-rage on the Saw II constants, Xavier finds himself in the same room Saw took place, Amanda terrified, Daniel "dead"...until he slices Xavier's throat with the same rusty hacksaw Dr. Gordon used. Does that look infected?

Kramer is already dying from cancer, but that doesn't stop Jeff from speeding the process along. He grabs a whirring power saw and slices that trap-laying mastermind clean in the throat, blood spilling out. And then one last tape is presented. Turns out Jigsaw is the only one who knows where Jeff's daughter is, on top of the fact that Lynn dies because of her shotgun collar's dependance on Jigsaw's heart beating. THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS, JEFF.

Poor Detective Sing. First to follow Tapp into battle, first to get his head blown off by four overhead, double-barreled shotguns rigged to a tripwire. R.I.P. Singy, although since the beheaded gore delivered, I can't say I'm that sorry.

Suzanne lays flat on a metal table connected to this gigantic spherical-ish structure. The whole rig begins to push her into a vertical position, the final stance which will shove spiked poles into her eyes and mouth. Bobby can save Suzanne by lifting weights that halt movement, but at the same time two prods pierce his sides. On and off, he attempts to save Suzanne, but the pain is too much. Suzanne is opened up, blood gushing from her life-ending wounds.

Jeff, Saw III's main protagonist, has the chance to free Danica. She pleads, admitting her guilt of not coming forth as a witness to Jeff's son's death. Jeff wrestles with letting the naked, hanging girl get covered with water that immediately freezes, but ultimately goes for the key – getting his own face stuck to a frosty metal pole. He takes too long and gets back to Danica, but she's a human popsicle by then.

Five subjects notice wired collars connecting them to a wall with bladed headrests. Keys sit in glass boxes across the room. One by one, the victims must use the slack of everyone else's wiring to reach their salvation. All succeed except Ashley, who's ripped backwards and decapitated.

Rex and Morgan find themselves connected by rods impaling deliberate areas on each victim's body. Rex's stabs would be fatal, Morgan's only flesh wounds. Rex begins to plead with his wife, but she's already began pulling out the spikes. Rex holds on, except his bloody hands are no match as Morgan lets a warrior's cry with each removed rod. Time to sever the ties that bind, quite literally!

Despite all Debbie's rage, she's still just a rat in Jigsaw's steam cage (NAILED IT). But really, Debbie is stuck in a steam maze that William must guide her through. When she reaches a wall of hot, scalding steam, William must redirect to a pipe above and absorb her pain. The funny part? He does! Debbie makes it through, but then she starts waving around a power saw all Leatherface style, trying to slice William open because of a Jigsaw twist. William fights her off, and she's impaled in the head with a spike.

Oh, sorry. Did I not mention Debbie has a harness contraption fixed to her frontside that will shoot a metal spike through her head once a timer runs out?

Some skinhead lookin' types are brutally murdered by Jigsaw in numerous ways, all tied to the same trap. Kara is bound by barbed wire under a jacked-up car's rear wheel. Dan is wrapped in chains and pierced through his jaw with a metal ring. Jake is chained to a garage door in front of the car. Evan, who can save them all, is glued to the car's driver's seat, a killswitch in reach if he can peel his back skin off. Can he shed the sins of his past? Um, no.

Evan (played by the late Chester Bennington) stretches his flesh as far as it can, but to no use. The car crushes Kara's face and speeds over her body, Dan has his arms and jaw pulled off, Jake gets hit square-on by the car and Evan gets ejected through the broken windshield (death by impact).

Michael comes-to and discovers a nail-clamp contraption fixed to his head. His instructional tape begins, only to find the key to his salvation has been implanted behind his eye. Cut back his flesh, unlock the iron slammer. Wimp out, and the cranial trap snaps shut. What happens? Well, Michael makes my list, so you better believe his new mask goes all Venus fly trap.

Lynn's fate is directly tied to Jigsaw. He dies, her shotgun-shell collar blasts her head into a million pieces. No pressure, right? Well, Lynn almost gets freed as Saw III ends until a scuffle with Jeff, Jigsaw and Amanda lands a gunshot in her stomach. Bleeding out, she relies on Jeff to forgive Jigsaw and let him live – which he doesn't do. As Jigsaw's heart blips one last time, the collar does what it does best. Goodbye head.

Every Saw movie has that character you hate to hate, none more than Charles. When faced with three lockable shelters in a room full of rigged explosives and four living bodies, he immediately beats Mallick to the ground. Survival of the fittest! He then gets to whacking all the hanging jars in order to locate three necessary keys, but just as he's about to save himself, karma strikes in the form of a blunt object to the back of the head. Luba – fed up with Charles' shit – gives Mallick the chance to escape with herself and Brit. Charles is left in the blast zone, his body blown apart and charred like smoked meat. Would you like a thigh or rib? Unfortunately all Jigsaw has is dark meat...

As Lt. Rigg faces his first challenge, a blond-haired escort girl finds her golden locks wrapped around a pole. Gears grind, pulling the hair back inch by inch. Just before that trap fully scalps her – blood running from a separated gash like one of Maniac's mannequins – Rigg saves the day! She even gets a bloody new pompadour look! But, uh, then she attacks Rigg at knifepoint and gets thrown through a mirror..

Six associates are strapped to a twirling playground carousel, only two will leave – at William's choosing. One by one the ride stops, putting a victim in front of a makeshift auto shotgun cobbled together with bike parts. William has the chance to use two "pass" button hits, absorbing their pain and aiming the gun away.

Aaron first, a healthy young man who gets blasted in the chest. Emily second, because William cannot let her children grow up motherless. Third Gena, who gets shot while lying about being pregnant. Fourth Dave, another death. This leaves Shelby and Josh, and when it stops on Shelby first, William uses his free pass. This leaves Josh, knowing that William can only watch as the shotgun spends its last shell. "LOOK AT ME! WHEN YOU'RE KILLING ME YOU LOOK AT ME," shouts his Jigsaw's last spinning victim. Quite possibly the most chilling line uttered throughout the entire Saw franchise.

Most Saw films plant someone on the inside, and in Saw II, that man is Obi – kidnapper of at least one other victim. He's given redemption by way of a gigantic metallic furnace that he hops into no questions asked. Two antidote syringes dangle. Couldn't be easier, right? Wrong. The door slams shut and flames ignite row-by-row. A "Twist This" knob taunts out of grasp thanks to intense heat, a cartoon devil watching him burn alive. Hope you like your Obi well done!

William Easton, the man who played God with health insurance, finds his life in someone else's hands come Jigsaw's final test. His sister Pamela must watch as the Abbott family decides whether William dies simply by flipping a switch (William sentenced Mr. Abbott to death by denying him coverage). Tara Abbott is going to spare William, but Brent isn't as forgiving. He flips a switch and brings a nail bed of needles filled with hydrofluoric acid crashing down. William can only weep as his insides are eaten away until his bottom half splits from his top, pinkish organs spilling all over the floor, his torso still pinned to the Abbott's cage.

A criminal released from prison after five years on a technicality, another trap that was never meant for escape. Seth crushed his hands – destroying the things that killed as Jigsaw instructs – but it's all for naught. His restraints never loosen, as he can only watch a swinging, razor-sharp pendulum dip lower until his abdomen is sliced in two. Every back-and-forth motion throws chunks of reddish flesh and insides around the room.

Bobby's trial is to save his wife, but the hooks through his skin rip and send him hurdling downward in failure. Time ultimately runs out, and Joyce finds herself in this iron cistern that envelops her. Bobby can only watch from behind electric fencing as the cannister is heated from the outside and Joyce is cooked thoroughly. Her hair singing, flesh melting and body grilling in the immense heat.

Is Jigsaw taking cues from Hellraiser? Troy looks like he's being tortured by a Cenobite the way he's pierced with metal hooks and hanging chains. To make matters worse: that's not even what kills Troy. Almost all the rings are ripped clean, but not before a homemade nail bomb blows poor Troy to smithereens. Blackened limbs and intestines are tossed like Halloween decorations.

Eddie and Simone wake up on opposite sides of a divided room – a weight scale in between. Their test? Whoever can slice the heavier mound of human meat from their body won't be screwed in the head (oh, right – they're wearing headpieces that will automatically pierce their temple). Eddie starts by carving out steaks from his blubbery belly, while the fit Simone is given no such handicap. As Eddie feeds his last offering to the chute, Simone drops HALF HER ARM in and tips the scale in her favor.

In the Alexander Motel, Lt. Rigg plays the part of Jigsaw. Ivan, his target, a habitual woman abuser with a photograph collection to prove it. Rigg instructs Ivan to shackle himself to four bedpost chains. He will be pulled apart in 60 seconds unless he stabs his own eyes out (via Jigsaw's handy-dandy trap). Ivan presses the first button. One down. Can he sacrifice the second? Nah. Each one of his limbs is ripped by a pulley and thrown across room. Jigsaw better be tipping those maids!

Unfortunately for Det. Kerry, Jigsaw was never going to let her survive. "The Angel" contraption is inescapable, even after melting away one hand's flesh and muscle when grabbing an acid-bathing key. She endures, bests the fizzy trap, but her "salvation" is but a ruse. "Jigsaw" watches as her ribcage is ripped clean away, Kerry enduring her fate in a very on-the-cross position.

Jigsaw makes use of a treacherous love triangle to start off Saw 3D, and I kind of dig it? Dina is hung above a gigantic circular saw with her boyfriends Brad and Ryan strapped to either end. One must die for the other two to live, their dirty laundry being shredded in a hardware store display front. Ryan and Brad pushing back and forth, Dina screaming for one to man-up – but Ryan sees things differently. After slicing into Brad for but a flesh wound, he sacrifices Dina. Down she comes, spilling intestine chunks and blood over the now-single boys.

So this is Jigsaw showing off, right? Matthews dangles from a chain noose around his neck, but with an ice block just within standing reach. As the ice melts (heater acceleration), water pools that will eventually electrocute Hoffman. Oh, and two massive ice chunks are lifted overhead, ready to slam down on Matthews' noggin – WHICH THEY DO. Stupid Rigg. All he had to do was NOT enter a room, and instead everyone gets to sample Eric Matthew's Sno-Cones.

Hoffman finally gets to Jill in the police station. First he slams her head against a desk, ties her up, and then he's gifted his pick of confiscated Jigsaw traps in the evidence room. He goes Reverse Bear Trap (which Amanda survived), but Jill is given no such option. Hoffman leaves just after her jaw is ripped open wider than a banshee; just a red, bloody opening into her esophagus. Gruesome.

This is the second Saw franchise death that stops my heart every time. Strahm – thinking he's won – throws Hoffman in a glass coffin. "I got you!" Then the walls start closing in. Hoffman smiles. The coffin retracts. Agent Strahm scales the walls as they creek together, one hand grasping a top caged portion. Safe passage? No way. First a femur snaps clear into focus, then his body is pancaked, left hanging when Hoffman comes in. Like some roadkill leftovers. Check, please.

The rack is one of Jigsaw's no-fail ruiners of my night. We watch as Timothy's hands, feet and head are twisted like elastic even though the human body snaps apart after so much pressure. Timothy's screams can't even muffle the bone crunches and metal clanking that elasticize his skin like Stretch Armstrong – well, whatever flesh hasn't been torn to expose shards of white bone. Appendages twist in ways they shouldn't, until finally, old Timmy's head is fully swiveled. This is why you don't try the Exorcist head-turn in real life!