Deadpool Stories Too Messed Up For The MCU: A Vampire Cow, Killing Moby Dick & More
Has there ever been a more bonkers superhero than Deadpool? Equal parts violent and zany, this lethal mercenary, also known as the "Merc with a Mouth," first appeared in the "New Mutants" comic series in December 1990, albeit as a villain. Created by Rob Liefeld and Fabian Nicieza, Deadpool (aka Wade Wilson) went on to star in his own mini-series. He eventually gained notoriety for his dark humor, meta-commentary, and affinity for breaking the fourth wall. Over the years, Deadpool has teamed up with or battled alongside Marvel's hero gallery and has since become one of the brand's most popular characters. In fact, according to Gitnux Marketdata Report, he's the most liked character on Facebook. So take that, Iron Man!
The release of 2016's "Deadpool," starring Ryan Reynolds as Wilson, further cemented the character's popularity. Uniquely, this was the actor's second stint in the role, though the less said about his part in the much-maligned "X-Men Origins: Wolverine," the better. Reynolds went on to portray Deadpool in a 2018 sequel and will next be seen in the upcoming "Deadpool & Wolverine" (watch the trailer), which pairs him with Hugh Jackman's Logan from the "X-Men" universe. So far, the trailers promise an outlandishly R-rated buddy comedy.
However, "Deadpool & Wolverine" isn't likely to match the absurdities found in Deadpool's most memorable stories. No, really. As wild as the films have been, a handful of comic book storylines are too messed up for the MCU. Which ones, you ask? Here's some of the more outlandish stories that have been too messed up for the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Deadpool in love with Death
Don't adjust your eyes; you read that right. In the comics, Deadpool literally falls for Death, a dark, hooded skeleton, after a series of near-death experiences. Oddly, she shares his infatuation, but the two can never be together because, well, Wade cannot die. So their encounters are brief and littered with sorrow.
Surprisingly, this storyline might have played well in the MCU if the franchise had stuck with its original interpretation of Thanos. At the end of 2012's "The Avengers," the big guy appears in one of the better post-credit teasers, during which one of his minions explains how challenging the "unruly" humans is "to court Death." In the comics, Thanos also fell for Death — she's the reason he becomes a murderous titan — resulting in an awkward and complicated love triangle with Deadpool. No matter how hard he tries, Thanos never fully woes Mistress Death and eventually realizes she cares for Wade. In an act of jealous rage, Thanos curses Deadpool with immortality, preventing him from visiting his one true love.
Of course, the MCU didn't follow this route, instead turning Thanos' mission into an egotistical quest to bring peace and order throughout the galaxy. However, with Deadpool taking the mantle of "Marvel Jesus" in "Deadpool & Wolverine," there's a chance Thanos could return with Death in tow. However, this storyline might be too absurd for audiences to handle.
Deadpool fights zombie presidents
In the mid-2000s, Marvel NOW! launched a wild six-part series in which Deadpool takes on every President of the United States of America. The twist? They're zombies, brought back from the dead by Michael Hawthorne (aka Necromancer) to destroy America. Captain America tries to intervene and winds up beheading a furious Harry S. Truman.
Elsewhere, Deadpool battles a gigantic dinosaur alongside Thor and comes face-to-face with Franklin D. Roosevelt, wheelchair and all. The two battle for a spell, and Wade eventually wins by tossing him into a train and stabbing him with a sword. As a result, S.H.I.E.L.D. recruits the Canadian Deadpool to track down the remaining presidents, including George Washington, Ronald Reagan, and Abraham Lincoln, alongside Ben Franklin's ghost.
Written by "Comedians of Comedy" veteran Brian Posehn and Gerry Duggan, with art by Tony Moore, the "Dead Presidents" saga is a blast of quirky greatness that pokes fun at each Commander-in-Chief in a darkly sardonic way. "You don't scare me," Wade says to Lincoln. "You're a half shaved Yeti that let yourself get killed by an actor!" "Booth had the drop on me," Lincoln retorts, moments before celebrating Gerald Ford's "game-winning kick" that launches Deadpool into a nearby building.
The delightfully gory comic has plenty of cinematic appeal. Still, it might tick off Americans not longing for their country's leaders depicted as ravenous murderers.
Going black and white with Night of the Living Deadpool
If the concept of zombie presidents wasn't enough to pique your interest, imagine what happens when Deadpool, a smarta** superhero, encounters a deadly zombie outbreak. It's like "The Walking Dead" with a twist of humor, a beautifully designed series that will keep you entertained, written by Cullen Bunn and illustrated by Ramon Rosanos.
After a series of events, Deadpool finds himself stuck in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. Even worse, he's the last remaining hero and the only one capable of finding a cure to save humanity. During his travels, Wade teams up with a S.W.A.T. team member and a couple of kids, stumbles upon a Mayberry-like town full of nutty folks, and then wanders around with the head of a scientist who concocted the formula that led to the outbreak. Naturally, he also slices the bejesus out of hordes of zombies while barking out his trademark quips and one-liners.
Uniquely, the panels are rendered in black and white, save for Deadpool, as a nod to Robert Kirkman's "The Walking Dead" comic book series, which came to a shocking end in 2019. The Merc with the Mouth stands out as an alien in this dangerous new world, doing his best to deal with the ghastly situation. It all leads to a clever finale that Deadpool fans will admire.
Would this make for a good MCU storyline? Absolutely, though mainstream audiences would likely find Deadpool's zombie battle too bizarre for their liking. Perhaps it's better suited for Marvel's "What If...?" animated series or even its own Marvel Animation limited series.
Deadpool gets stuck in Howard the Duck
While pursuing a space rabies-infested Rocket Raccoon, Deadpool bumps into Howard the Duck and gets stuck inside the feathery pint-sized hero's body. The lengthy series by Stuart Moore and Jacopo Camagni follows "Deadpool Duck" as he figures out a way to return to his body, all the while investigating the reason behind Rocket's predicament.
Oh, and Howard, stranded in the Negative Zone, strolls along as a floating head, hilariously fighting for control over his body. Picture the Steve Martin/Lily Tomlin comedy "All of Me" with much more violence and mayhem.
Moore maintains Deadpool's comedic tone but manages to infuse it with enough outstanding action as our heroes learn to work together "like Rizzoli and Isles!" Twists and turns abound, along with an appearance by Wolverine (as Deadpool's spirit animal) and a dastardly villain known as Doctor Bong. Really, though, the novelty of seeing Deadpool working alongside Rocket Raccoon and Howard the Duck remains the series' ultimate appeal. To that end, it doesn't disappoint.
I imagine someone like James Gunn would have a blast with this storyline. After all, he introduced the "Guardians of the Galaxy" into the MCU and included Howard the Duck as a cameo, and that version even got his own comic book. Still, moviegoers may not have an appetite for a feature-length film depicting Ryan Reynolds as a talking duck, no matter how entertaining the final movie.
Deadpool kills the Marvel Universe
My first introduction to Deadpool arrived in the 2012 comic book series "Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe." Years ago, I was perusing the Barnes & Noble comics section when I spotted a cover depicting the faces of four screaming heroes, including Captain America, Spider-Man, and Iron Man, behind Deadpool, himself holding the Hulk's decapitated head. I had to see what all the fuss was about. After flipping through each installment, I came to an important conclusion: Deadpool, while goofy and over-the-top, is pretty awesome.
As the title suggests, Deadpool kills the Marvel Universe after Psycho Man opens his mind. He murders the Fantastic Four, blasts off Spider-Man's head, bombs Captain America, and slices the Hulk to shreds — and that's just the beginning. By the time he's done, Wade murders every Marvel character you can think of, even more than "Avengers: Infinity War," and then heads for the writers. It's all very meta and a tad anticlimactic, but "Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe" nicely sums up Wade Wilson, his astounding abilities, flaws, and his limitations (or lack thereof) as a character.
Still, the concept is likely too nutty for the MCU. We'll probably see snippets of this storyline in "Deadpool & Wolverine," which promises to have plenty of crossover into other Marvel arenas, but an entire film dedicated to the murder and slaughter of our favorite heroes and villains is simply too demented for anyone but diehard comic book fans.
Deadpool kills the Marvel Universe (again)
A few years later, writer Cullen Bunn and artist Dalibor Talajic decided to let Deadpool loose again. This time, Wade dismantles heroes with reckless abandon. He turns Thor, Loki, and Valkyrie to stone using Medusa's head, devours Spider-Man while wearing the black Symbiote suit, blows off Spider-Man 2099's head (before he made a great point in "Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse"), and decapitates poor "failed copy" Miles Morales. Moon Knight, Iron Man, and The Punisher fall at his hand, resulting from a program embedded in Deadpool's head that forces him to see alternate versions of reality.
From Deadpool's perspective, he's enjoying an eating competition alongside Spider-Man or embarking on a special mission from Nick Fury. When he raises Medusa's head, Wade believes he's holding a volleyball. In a creative twist, Talajic depicts Deadpool's visions using the styles of various comic book artists over the years. Each page turn offers something different. The visuals alone are enough to hold one's interest.
Darker and edgier than the original, "Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe Again" is more enjoyable as a visual spectacle than an out-and-out story. Without the clever meta twist that concluded its predecessor on an intriguing note, readers are left with a lot of blood and guts without much substance. A creative director could find imaginative ways to show Deadpool's murders. Still, the gimmick is probably too mean-spirited for the MCU.
Deadpool teams up with Hellcow
Deadpool's strangest team-up occurred in 2009 when he joined forces with a vampire cow to take down a mad scientist named Killgore. The cow, originally named Bessie, turned into a vampire 300 years ago, after Dracula consumed its blood out of desperation. The newly minted Hellcow sprouted wings and red eyes and roamed the planet looking for prey. A confrontation with Howard the Duck ended with the evil cow lying in a grave with a stake through her heart. Unfortunately, since our fowled hero did not complete the kill and cut off the head, the evil scientist was able to bring Hellcow back to life.
Killgore, you see, drinks Hellcow's "vampire lactations" to stave off tuberculosis. Now, he wants Deadpool's regenerative power, necessitating our friendly assassin slapping cow trotter "for the team-up no one's been waiting for." Here, we have a ridiculous Deadpool story that knows its ridiculous and consistently lets readers know that it knows how silly it is. Clever or lazy? You be the judge.
At any rate, it's a quick, fun read with splashy art, goofy one-liners — such as the "Dirty Dancing" riff "Nobody puts Hellcow in the corner!" — and lots of vomit. To say this team up is too messed up for the MCU would be an understatement. Though, I could see Hellcow popping up for a cameo, just for laughs.
Deadpool battles Hitler
Of course Deadpool would have to meet Hitler at some point. In 2014's "Flashback," writers Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn send Wade Wilson back in time to protect Nick Fury. Why? Well, because Adolf Hitler confiscates a time travel device with the intent "to kill Sergeant Fury and his Howling Commandoes!" The comic opens with a humorous parody of the famous "Hitler's Downfall" meme that circulated the internet for a while, where the Nazi leader berates his soldiers, only this time for their inability to kill Nick Fury. A time traveler then arrives to assassinate Hitler, who manages to thwart the attempt and use the device for his nefarious purposes.
We then see future Wade Wilson warn Nick Fury of the oncoming danger. Hitler appears in a giant "roboblitzkrieg" and vanquishes our heroes. Luckily, Wade wrote a postcard to Cable, who travels back in time and uses a giant mech suit to prevent their deaths. Fury, Cable, and Deadpool proceed to pump Hitler full of holes, then send his bullet-filled corpse to 1945, where it's labeled a suicide.
Brilliantly illustrated in a retro 1950s style, this comic seemingly paved the way for the infamous "Deadpool 2" deleted credits scene, in which Wade travels back in time to assassinate Baby Hitler. In a sense, this idea has already been done, but co-writer Paul Wernick cut the bit because he felt it was too weird to see Deadpool kill a baby. So it was absolutely too messed up for the MCU.
Deadpool tears through Moby Dick, Frankenstein, and more literary classics
It's hard to imagine Deadpool topping his murderous rampage of Marvel's legion of superheroes. Still, Cullen Bunn and artist Matteo Lolli found a way — by having Wade Wilson tear through a collection of classic literary characters. Moby Dick, Tom Sawyer, Don Quixote, Count Dracula, the Headless Horseman, Dr. Frankenstein, and more all fall to Deadpool's blade in typical gory fashion.
Remember, this is an alternate Deadpool, or Wade Wilson of Earth-12101, and the star of Bunn's "Deadpool Killogy," the same one who decimated the Marvel Universe. Now, he's bored with killing superheroes and forces many villains to devise a machine that allows him to battle the classics, thus destroying the "Ideaverse." Again, this storyline has nothing particularly unique except seeing Deadpool square off against characters like the Three Musketeers, Mowgli from The Jungle Book, and Captain Nemo. The joke works for a while, but the nonstop bloodshed grows redundant and doesn't amount to anything worthwhile.
That said, "Killustrated" still entertains, but there isn't enough here to make for a captivating MCU chapter. Most viewers would likely shrug off the insane endeavor unless the producers figured out how to give it some weight.
Deadpool feeds Archangel with his own flesh
All right, this entry is just too weird, even for Deadpool. In "Uncanny X-Force," Wade teams up with Archangel, Fantomex, Psylocke, and Wolverine to take on Apocalypse in a much more satisfying fashion than the abysmal "X-Men: Apocalypse." After a brutal outing leaves them barely clinging to life, Deadpool drags Archangel to a makeshift tent, replete with Deadpool eyes, to help the fallen hero recover. He gives the winged soldier soda and snacks but decides he needs more protein to regain his full strength.
In the fourth issue, we find the pair inside the tent where Wade forces pieces of raw meat down Archangel's throat. "Don't make me chew it for you, baby bird," Wade quips. "Please, God, don't make me do that." Archangel slowly opens his eyes and asks, "Urhm ... w-where ... did you get ... this ..." Deadpool replies, "If I tell you, do you promise to keep eating?"
The comic then cuts and reveals a wide shot of Deadpool using a knife to slice off pieces of his flesh. Yuck! There's definitely a positive motive behind Deadpool's actions here, but I'm guessing people would happily enjoy an "Uncanny X-Force" film — so long as this scene wasn't included.
Deadpool marries Shiklah, Queen of the Underworld
Another outlandish storyline sees Deadpool settle down and marry ... Shiklah, Queen of the Underworld. We learn as much after a botched assassination attempt leaves the purple-loving Queen emerging from fire to exact revenge disguised as a spiky, horned beast (her "weaker" form is much more appealing). The remaining comic follows Wade as he plans the wedding. He goes to his closest friends — Dr. Strange, Captain America, and Wolverine — for help and throws a party featuring the likes of Storm, Nightcrawler, She-Hulk, Blade, and Thor. Even Benjamin Franklin's ghost pops in for some support.
The shocking aspect of this comic is how straightforward it is. Aside from an early scuffle with some vampires, everything goes according to plan. As the comic text explains, Wade gets married, throws a party, and "they lived happily ever after..."
Naturally, there's a teaser at the end for the next chapter — comic book heroes can never really settle down, can they? — but it's pretty incredible to see Deadpool, well, happy. The fact that he's marrying a Queen of the Underworld is likely too messed up for the MCU. Still, I could see an alternate version of this storyline playing out with Vanessa (Morena Baccarin). That's something everyone can get behind.
Deadpool kills Deadpool
Finally, in an unforeseen twist, Deadpool's greatest enemy is himself. We learn as much in the series "Deadpool Kills Deadpool," in which a Deadpool from an alternate reality decides to destroy all the Deadpools in existence. Luckily, plenty of good Deadpools (from the Deadpool Corps) are willing to team up with Wade to stop this evildoer. However, they aren't fast enough to keep the big bad from eliminating Dogpool, Kidpool, and Pandapool.
As the final installment in Cullen Bunn and Salva Espin's Killogy, "Deadpool Kills Deadpool" doesn't disappoint and offers the type of wacky violence fans of the character adore. Plus, it's hilarious and contains practically every iteration of the classic hero.
The problem with this storyline is that "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse" and its sequel "Across the Spider-Verse" already did the whole multiverse thing, even succeeding where "Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness" failed. Personally, I think it works better with Spider-Man, as he's a more relatable and down-to-earth character. Deadpool, at least to me, is best served in smaller doses; too much and he becomes a little overbearing. In this case, I think a film consisting of millions of Ryan Reynolds out-mugging each other might be too much for the MCU.